Dear 2011

Dear 2011,

We haven't met yet, but I can assure you that when we do, it will be memorable for both of us.  I am very well acquainted with with your little brother, 2010, so I just wanted to formally introduce myself, tell you some things about my past, and let you know what I expect from our relationship.  Now that I am leaving your brother for you, I think we need to get some things clear. 

Firstly, your brother and I had a lot of good times, some of the best of my life in fact.  With your brother,

• I lost 60 pounds 
• I became a nicer person 
• I cut off all my permed hair 
• I moved to another country
• I fell in complete love with a woman named Shaina
• I learned to listen to the voice (sometimes voices) in my head
• I learned to put myself first and do what I want above all else
• I learned when to shut the hell up
• I've hiked a mountain
• I've gone scuba diving
• I let love speak louder than logic
• I've grown as a woman and as a girlfriend 
• And as was evident in 2009, 2008, ect as well... I was the shit...

As you can see, your brother will be hard to top, but I have lots of faith in your potential and I believe that you will show your brother up in many ways.  Your brother was quite the catch for me.  I wonder if you are as well endowed as he is lol. I am a girl who tends to get what I want from the likes of you, and since 2010 was soooo good, you had better be great.  Here are some things I am expecting from you

• A loss of 40 more pounds (60 really, but I wont put to much on you at once)
• Seeing at LEAST 4 more countries
• Wear my own big ass curly hair
• Size 10 baby!!!
• I want to hate fatty foods (hahahaha yea right)
• I want us to meet the parents
• I want to spend more time happy than sad (and I will be keeping count)
• I want ALL FLY EVERYTHING-- Def need to up my game... Time for more shoes, bag, and clothes!!!

As you can see, here are just a few of my requirements.  They are more like nonnegotiables.  Give them to me and maybe I will be as good to you as I was to your brother and all of those before you.  Now that we have all of that clear, I can firmly go into this relationship  with faith.  I look forward to becoming very intimate with you  and I can't wait for everything that will unfold.  See you soon.

With love,

Shaina

Christmas in cheongju

In my entire life, I have only spent 2 Christmases away from one; my first year in phoenix, and this present Christmas.  I can honestly say that it was a beautiful one.  This has been a rough month for me in general.  Lets of thoughts about lots of things and being away from home have made this a very uncomfortable time for me, but this week made everything wonderful.  Rob and I spent our first Christmas together exactly how I imagined a perfect Christmas would be.  Love, laughs, food, drinks, presents, smiles, drama, and lots of kisses.  My Korean family came over for a huge (and fattening) dinner in the conference room of Global Ville and we had a wonderful time.  ANDDDDDD I got a Nook from the love of my life.  What a great weekend I had.  Now I sit in bed playing with my new toys and hugging my Yoshi that rob got me as a stocking stuffer. SEE OUR CHRISTMAS HERE!

I've made a lot of changes in 2010 and its time to make even more in 2011.  I thank God that I am still growing into a better and more humble woman everyday and that I have such a wonderful man that continues to help me grow.  I think its important to take a minute to sincerely be thankful for the good AND bad things that you have in your life.  Not for the sake of others, or because a holiday told you to, but to really appreciate all the little things.  A kiss on the forehead, a whispered I love you, a teenage brother telling you you are the best sister in the world (and you know teens hate everything), a kissed hand, a heartfelt letter, knowing your family loves you, and the happiness that comes from the thoughts of your future with the one you love.  Merry Christmas!

Korean Mastication

"Fucked"-- that's the word that comes to mind when I think of my health since arriving in Korea.  While the word itself might be less than literary, the emotions behind them are valid.  Back in the states, I very rarely found myself to be "under the weather".  There were of course the bi-yearly allergies that were extremely taxing when they occurred, but I could regulate when they were coming and how long they would last.  I pride myself on being stronger- and lets face it, better- than everyone else when it comes agility, flexibility, intelligence, and health.  Not like "I'm better than you" but more like "anything you can do I can do better", and yes, the difference is crystal.  With this knowledge, one can easily understand why it is difficult to admit defeat.

This is the fourth time I've been sick in 6 months.  I can't dispel this feeling of, for lack of a better word, "fail".  Hence, the title of this blog; Korean Mastication.  Many foreigners get sick when they come to Korea and this has been coined "The Korea Effect" and I am falling victim to it big time.  I  feel as if my new country has been chewing me up, regurgitating, then chewing again while holding the repeat button.  I've yet to be spit out.  Taking that out of its metaphorical context, I have yet to recuperate from the continuous health ass kicking that I have been receiving in SoKo.  At this point, I am at a loss.  Its like I have to pick between being healthy and losing weight.  This weather and these conditions are killing me.  In the situation I find myself, it is really important to eat hearty foods that will keep my healthy and full.  Things like soups, potatoes, meat, vegetables, and oats.  This would be ok if not for two big problems;

1. Carbs are bad for ME specifically.  I know some people do fine with carbs, but for me, they stick to my body like--- I was going to say white on rice, but I think FAT ON FAT PEOPLE is more appropriate.ve
2.  Lunch at school is always lacking.  Every day.  I never get enough vegetables in Korea and the meat is always shit.  I hate the food here not necessarily for the taste, but because it lacks the kind of nutrients I need to sustain my healthy diet.  I have no idea what to do.

So basically, I am sitting here in bed taking a sick day because of this damned vomiting and coughing situation.  I feel like crap because people had to take over my duties at work, and to top it all off, I ingested oatmeal and cereal today.  Carbs and more carbs.  And now I'm starving and I have no idea what to eat.  If I take the high road I could eat a slim fast bar, but will that help me get better right now?  Be healthy or get skinny.  What do I do?

Jimjilbang- My first Korean Bath House

 So, as I said in my earlier post, I went to check out the jimjilbang in Dreamplus today and boy o boy was it an experience.  I was NAKED-- just like I like to be-wait, let me back up and start from the beginning.

I arrive at the bath house not really knowing what I'm in for.  I know that there is going to be nakedness and that is pretty much as far as it goes.  When I get there I go to the buffet in the building so that I wouldnt workout out on an empty stomach and how proud was I that I went and had salad and soup.  (and for 15,00 won that was an awesome buffet!) After the buffet I meandered my way down to the fitness center, where once again, my sole means of communication were body language and grunts.  I walk in and I immediately find myself surrounded by naked Korean bodies, both old and young.  The desk lady looks at me and smiles as she realizes that she does not have an outfit that will fit this luscious body .Sheit  hands me this shirt and it is tight as hell but I a  go with it.  I figure I will check out the gym before I go and get this much needed massage.  "Checking out the gym" turned into Shaina getting her ass kicked by a Korean Trainer.   Not just any trainer either.  The guy with his damn face on the wall--the HKIC, if you will  (for those of you reading who are not black lol the original statement is HNIC- head ni**a in charge, but the acronym was changed to be more applicable!).  And when I say he kicked my ass... I mean he took his foot off, and swung it at my ass like a baseball bat, and sadly he was just getting started.  We did abs, cardio, and a serious interval circuit, and when I stopped to BREATHE he would yell 화이팅 (Hwaiting)- which is korean for FIGHTING!!! Aka- DONT BE A P***Y!  I was like damn give me a minute.  After my 10 minute speed walk on an incline (which he called cool down) I said my "good byes "and my "see you next weeks" and they watched the Great Black Hope walk down the stairs.

Me and the bullshit towel

Once I got downstairs, I went to my locked and prepared myself to get ass naked in front of all these other women.  I was in a sea of saggy nipples/asses and pubic hair lmao!! (that actually made me chuckle).  I went to get a towel from the front desk lady and --what the hell, they were the size of a pillow case.  Now what the hell am I going to with THAT.  Hence...this face-------->


Once I got the courage to actually walk away from the locker I was hiding behind, I walked into the Sauna/bath house and I can honestly say it exceeded my expectations.  I was actually taken aback and stopped at the door just too look around.  (too bad I couldn't take pictures)  There were showers, scrubbing areas, and several huge tubs.  I guess I forgot that it was actually a bathing house.  I cleaned up and went straight for that hot tub.  (NOTE: Make sure you clean yourself throughly before you enter the tub...I almost made a biiiiiiiig booboo).  It was just what I needed.  The only thing missing was my music, which I will surely have next time.  I sat there and relaxed the night away.  

Little ass outfit

I still wanted a shot at my massage but look at the tiny ass outfit that I had to squeeze into.  But- I did it, only to find that the massage person was gone for the day.  However, my spirits were high and now I feel good.  I have great faith in my sleep tonight.  Bath House-- my new favorite place.




Next day edit---sleep was good!

Things to know about Korea--- BEDS SUCK

So I have been thinking about this for some time and its time to talk about it.  As always, I must remind you that this is a Diva's Guide, so my opinions might be a little biased.  Here in Korea, one of he first things I noticed (literally because I got here at night) was that the bed was hard as shit.  This has been the case in almost every place I've slept.  Whenever I think of this I am reminded of the princess and the pea.  I have always been  particular about where I sleep and how I sleep, but this is no exaggeration.  The beds are hard as stale shit. Not to mention my boss does everything backwards and takes no responsibility for her dumbass actions so I was definitely pissed last night.  That stress along with the bed defintiely kept me up all night.  I wanted to slap the damn taste out of her mouth scream at the top of my lungs.

On top of not sleeping last night, I tossed and turned around that hard ass bed for about 5 hours and just could not get comfortable.  About a month after I arrived in Korea, I purchased one of the mats they use to sleep on the floor, and I put in on my mattress.  Thats how bad it was.  Now, I'm guessing with all the heavy weight of both me and Robert, this mat needs replacing (or turning, this thought just occured to me lol).  So I am going to try that when I get home.  My whole body is in pain right now.  Maybe this is insignificant to some people, but in my world, one of the most important purchases a person makes is a bed.  You could have shitty furniture all day long, but when you rest your head a night, THAT needs to be taken care of.  Right now I dont feel like my Diva-esque needs are being taken care of.  So today I am going to Dreamplus downtown to check out the Sauna/gym/spa and then hopefully a massage.  I am hoping to come home feeling refreshed and worked so that I just pass out when I get to that hard ass bed.  And since I havent spoken to that dumbass my boss today (not even hello) I should be stress free and relaxed.  All she has to do is steer clear for another hours.

Will blog about Dreamplus when I return.  Wish me sleeping luck

My job at Cheongju English Center--- United Nations

 This session at CJEC I am all about the United Nations.  I start class by discussing all the different situations in which the UN can be helpful.  Droughts, floods, hurricanes, and war are all included in this discussion.  After we talk about that, I move into some key aspects of presenting a speech; posture, eye-contact, volume, ect.  This is all just working up to the big deal of the class-The Speech!

After we talk about some of the major countries involved in the UN they are given country cards with information and a speech outline.  They proceed to fill in that speech outline with the information and then comes the hard part.  The students have to memorize their speeches!!! How awesome/awful is that?  I walk around and help them with pronunciation and they get to ask me questions (basically trying to explain to me that they can't do it).  I just give them that O so needed comfort and at the end of the day they do a pretty good job.  They stand up at the podium and give a shaky performance but they seem satisfied with themselves afterward.  Can you imagine giving a speech in a foreign language?  I couldn't do it in Korean, and I make sure I explain to them how proud they should be of themselves.  Today was my last day in the UN.  Next week we have a "planning week" so we wont have any kids!!!  WHOOOOO.  Next up: Clinic.

Speech practice

Joking around

Helping them memorize their speech

And occasionally come nose picking

Thing to bring to Korea...Medicine

So starts the list of things you should bring to Korea.  I am officially experiencing my first cold in I don't know how many years.  As I return from the bathroom after coughing my lungs out, my boss says, "Oh you look so healthy but your system is not hahaha".  That is code for "we didn't hire you to get sick".  Usually I come down with allergies followed by a serious sinus/nasal drip, but in South Korea, I am coughing... I don't like to cough, and I don't gross snottyness either (Diva's view of South Korea remember).   A few of my other friends happen to be sick right now, and boy o boy you should see the shit they are being given here; pellets of some kind of medicine, drug seeds, ect, so once again, I find myself extremely lucky to have access to the military base.  Thankfully I am sitting pretty and enjoying the effects of NyQuil, Ibuprofen, and some other powerful meds.  

My bedside tissue bag and cup of tea

Point: Before you come to South Korea, make sure you stock up on all those meds you think you will need.

• NyQuil
• Allergy meds
• PMS meds
• Cough medicine, ect

Trust me, when you are sick and lying in a bed surrounded by your own mucus, you will be glad you did!