Barbie and Disney f***ed Us Up

So after my last post (my bad ya'll) I have been considering some things about body image and the way we look at ourselves.  Looking back, Disney and Barbie sold us images of ridiculously skinny, busty, no waist, long hair having Princesses and dolls starting from BIRTH.  I remember how obsessed I was with playing Barbie and how much I loved to make Barbie and Ken do it (I know... fast as hell).  I wanted Barbie hair as well.  And Disney??? Don't even get me started on them.  Disney creates the most distorted views of love in the minds of little girls everywhere.  Pushing the idea that "Some day my prince will come"... MY ASS.  Disney forgot to mention that he was going to be a cheater, quite possibly no education and be wearing gold fronts.  They also forgot to tell us that when we go to college we would decrease the number of suitable men that were available to us...or anything about college at all!!  What?? No Princess Harvard?  Not to mention, on the rare occasion that we do find a Prince, Disney didnt tell us that he would suck in certain areas and we would have to compromise in more areas than we would like to.  There was no "How to" book that told us that Prince Charming could also be Prince Asshole, Emperor Inconsiderate, or King Romanceless.  NOPE!!  Didn't tell me THAT part.   Yea I have so many bones to pick with them for that I need a whole damn skeleton.

I found this picture on line that I thought was excellent.  This is the difference that Barbie's body took on in the early 2000's.  Notice the smaller waist and the bikini looking ass.  And how many girls actually look like that. Hmmm I can answer that question... NONE !

Exhibit A- REAL life- size Barbie.This young lady had an eating disorder and decided it was time to take another look at some things... like Barbie.  Using the dimensions of an actual doll, she scaled them up to the proportions of a real person and this is what she came up with.  Taking the actual scaled dimensions (mathematically) into consideration,:

"If Barbie were an actual women, she would be 5'9" tall, have a 39" bust, an 18" waist, 33" hips and a size 3 shoe".  Get the F*** out of here !!!

She looks dumb as hell! Hahahahahahahahah!  This really cracks me up!  

Ok, now for the point we all know and love... Let's bring it on home Shay...

The view of beauty has been and continues to be distorted by all of the people in power to do so. 

But...  Let's be honest.  Only fat people really complain about it. HAHAHA!!  Ok, ok, ok... fat people and people that love fat people.  While I do not consider myself a fat girl anymore, I definitely don't consider myself skinny either.  The truth of the matter is, the media DOES control the perception of the majority of the world.  Like it or not.  You either fit the mold or you don't.  And I myself know that I have fallen victim to the majority if for no other reason than the fact that I didn't lose weight to be healthy, I did it to be fly.  Judge me if you choose.  Health was the last thing on my mind.  I was always healthy.  

So do I have self image issues because of the world we live in?? Sure as hell do.  But so does everyone else.  There are some skinny bitches walking around wishing they could gain a few pounds.  My neighbor wants bigger boobs.  My best friend wants a bigger ass.  My white friend wants a smaller ass.  We are all products of our environment and I'm sorry but "thin is in".  I applaud everyone who tries to show that beauty comes in all shapes and sizes, I agree.  At the end of the day its all about your own personal perception.  I'm glad making this model helped this young lady get over her eating disorder.  But we don't want Barbie walking around looking like this do we.  

In case you are curious...Barbie facts for you reading pleasure (or disgust in my case)

• There are two Barbie dolls sold every second in the world.
• The target market for Barbie doll sales is young girls ages 3-12 years of age.
• A girl usually has her first Barbie by age 3, and collects a total of seven dolls during her childhood.
• Over a billion dollars worth of Barbie dolls and accessories were sold in 1993, making this doll big business and one of the top 10 toys sold.
• If Barbie were an actual women, she would be 5'9" tall, have a 39" bust, an 18" waist, 33" hips and a size 3 shoe.
• Barbie calls this a "full figure" and likes her weight at 110 lbs.
• At 5'9" tall and weighing 110 lbs, Barbie would have a BMI of 16.24 and fit the weight criteria for anorexia. She likely would not menstruate.
• If Barbie was a real woman, she'd have to walk on all fours due to her proportions.
• Slumber Party Barbie was introduced in 1965 and came with a bathroom scale permanently set at 110 lbs with a book entitled "How to Lose Weight" with directions inside stating simply "Don't eat."--- (WTF)

Dear Diary...WHAT THE F*&$

I just stumbled upon a realization that wasn't so realized.  My goal- 185 lbs by the time I leave Korea- is not going to get accomplished.  I have worked my ass off.  I have done (ALMOST) everything right. Yet somehow, I am still 20+ lbs away from my ultimate.  How do I feel about that??

I'm Fucking Pissed.

I pretty much work my ass off and barely eat anything I want.  I exercise twice a day on most days and restrict my calories to SHIT.  I take Vitamins, I drink like a gallon of water, and I barely drink.  What the fuck is the problem! I AM SO ANGRY RIGHT NOW.  No matter what I do, I never feel like its enough.  No matter how long I work out or how hard I go, I always feel like I could have done better; like I should be working harder.  It is just not fair.  Fuck everyone who can eat what they want all the time and stay rail thin.  I hope your damn hearts explode at 30.  I hope all of a sudden you just com-bust and turn into a big fat doughnut.  FUCK YOU  !  DIE  !  TO HELL WITH YOU  !!!


*HUGE SIGH*
Now that an hour has passed since I wrote that, I have calmed down quite a bit.  Still pissed off, but more rational.  BREATHING.

Ok.  When I first came to Korea I was about 227 (103 kg) and now I am at 95.5 (about 209) and that fluctuate between 96.0 (on cheat days) and 94.9 (on great days).  20 pounds in 10 months... O GREAT JOB SHAINA (cue sarcasm here).  I know I should be all "O I have accomplished so much" blah blah my asshole, but somewhere deep inside of me, the perfectionist/skinny girl will not let me feel that way.

I am proud of the health changes.  As a whole, they are considerably better than they were before.  I mean, I even love working out at home, whereas before, I was paying for a gym membership I was barely using (FAIL).  So yea, I am doing great there... but these pounds have got to go  !!!  THIS IS AN EVERYTHING MUST GO SALE  !!!! GET THE HELL OUT  !

So what happens now...

Now I realize that I leave here in 2 months (almost exactly) and I still have 20 lbs to lose before I reach my goal.  As the chronic and obsessive planner, I very rarely make a goal that I do not accomplish.  CASI NUNCA   !!!!  So this is kind of killing me.  2 months.  Thats about 10 lbs a month roughly which means that a severe ass kicking has to take place.  I have to go on an even more restricted diet and spend even more time working out.  Now I research vegetable cleanses and low carbs meals even more.  Now I restrict my fat Friday meal to KINDA fat Friday.  Now I go fucking crazy because that is what I do when I can't have something I want.  I go MAD.  IM THE MAD HATTER  !

AHHHHH DIOS MIO AYUDAME!

So now I am off to relax and try to sleep.  I just talked myself out of going SUPER-OVER0THE-EDGE-SHAINA-CRAZY like I usually do, but I am def going to LOCK IT UP a little more.  And people telling me to stop working so hard and stop worrying about it... GO TO HEL  L!! You have obviously never been fat before OR you are fat now and too stupid to care OR you dont love shopping and looking cute as much as I do.  Either way.  Leave me alone.  Fuck off  !  Have another drink, and eat another burger.  I will probably feel like shit about this post in the morning..... fuck it

To all of my readers, please forgive any spelling or grammar mistakes as I can not go back and read this or it will just piss me off.  I wrote it as I thought it.  GOOD DAY!

She Saw Me Naked

Well first things first.  This weekend was yet another spent in Seoul yet not by choice. My original plan was to stay home, pack, clean, hit the jimjilbang (Korean bath house) for a workout and tub soak, and try my hand at new recipes.  I wanted to just have a relaxing weekend inside but sadly, Jess’ cousin died and she was extremely sad so we went to Seoul to distract her.  Alas, my quiet weekend did not go as planned.  But at least I was fly. 

Now we get to the funny part

I spent most of the day in Seoul wishing that I could be at the jimjilbang exercising and then having a nice soak in the tub.  So today, I made it my business to get to the gym and work this body!  It was lovely.  150 plus sit ups, arms, 20 min intervals, 20 minute elliptical, and about 10 on the bike.  I was all hype and ready to get in the tub.  Went to my locker and got naked and right as I am prancing my naked body to the tub, I hear:

“SHAINA TEACHER”

My heart starts beating fast as hell.  Here I am assed and vagina-ed out right in front of one of my ex students.  So of course I try to play it off like I’m not uncomfortable. 

“Hello honey, how are you”

“I am fine and you”

“O I am very well.  Are you here alone” (hoping mom isn’t about to come from around the corner”

“No, Shaina Teacher, this is my sister”

“OOOO Hi” (lord have mercy lets all see naked Shaina)

Finally, I make my way to the bath and away from the prying eyes of the 11 year old girl who interestingly enough did not seem fazed at all by the naked black woman in front of her.  My bath and relaxation was wonderful and just when I was feeling like everything was ok, guess who runs passed me naked… yep my student, “GOODBYE SHAINA TEACHER”.  I would have been arrested for exposing myself to a minor if I was in the USA.  I mean, it really shows you how different the culture is.  You can see women of all ages bonding and bathing together completely comfortable and naturally in this country, when in America (which is much more sexually liberal than Korea) you wouldn’t really see such things. The Bath houses will def be in the top 10 things I will miss about Korea, but not seeing my students there!

Anyway, now that I am home and relaxing, I had time to cook some yummy dinner and clean the house.  I made chicken Alfredo (sans pasta noodles of course... CARB DEATH) with broccoli, bacon, red peppers, and cherry tomatoes.  It was luscious.   And later I am planning on dipping into my guilty pleasure bag.  But not too much chocolate before I go to sleep!!

Why??  Because obviously when I have chocolate right before bed, I get engaged to tall white bald men.  Let me explain.  Last night I had a dream that Rob and I were going to get engaged.  I just KNEW it was coming.  I felt it.  Then he bought me a small toy car for Christmas and told me not to look in it (yea right).  I looked in and saw the ring.  I WAS SO EXCITED.  Two days later when the man asked me to marry him it was NOT Robert, it was some white guy named Robert.  Now I can honestly say that my unconscious mind was pissed off (I felt uncomfortable), but dream Shaina was happy as pie, just like if it was Rob.  WTF.  Big beautiful ring too with a blue diamond.  What the hell.

So yea, no mas chocolate antes de dormir porque tengo pesadillas sobre hombres blanco.  So all in all the weekend was kind of a decent.  Next weekend, no one will talk me out of staying in Cheongju and relaxing!   

Weight loss rules to live by

If you had to choose between diet and exercise, diet would have far more influence on your weight than exercise, but for a truly healthy diet you should incorporate both.  With that said, this is my biggest issue, or was.  Once I got a grip on healthier eating, I realized that there were other things that I needed to tackle, and over time, I found out a number of RULES TO LIVE BY:

Nutrition—

Some people (and I used to belong to this group) believe that if you work out regularly, you can eat whatever you want… NOT SO MUCH.  If you want to lose weight it is very important to ELIMINATE sugar from your diet.  Sugars relate to carbs.  I know how people are all like “Oooo carbs are not the enemy and you should eat them”  Blah blah bullshit.  Carbs break down into sugar and will contribute to insulin resistance, which is one of the major reasons people are unable to lose weight.  Most people don’t lose weight if they consume large amounts of carbs like rise, pasta, and potatoes.  This may sound like no fun, but this is the way I lost a lot of weight.  I gets redundant and I always wanted to cheat, but the results were uncanny.  I loaded up on chicken, fish, and veggies and I was never lacking energy.  This may not work for everyone, but its one of the things I live by.

Vitamins---

As women, it is imperative that have the proper nutrients on a daily basis.  It sucks big time that men barely have to do anything to uphold their bodies, but as soon as we start getting older sh*t starts dangling, getting hairy, and sagging.  NOT OK!  So to avoid this as much as possible, I take vitamins.  Daily, I take B12 and B6 (for metabolism and brain function), multivitamin, Biotin, and Omega 3’s. 

Working out---

Don’t believe the hype of fad’s.  I have tried like a gazillion things in the past; recent past to be exact.  If you read my last blog I talked about how I was going to go with P90x.  While it sounded great and definitely worked me, it was not the kind of exercise my body needs at this time.  Our bodies change so much as time progresses and through different stages of our weight loss journeys, and we have to accommodate for that change.  Once upon a time I could get away with just 30 minutes of cardio, and cutting down a few calories.  Nowadays, I have to go hard in the paint.  I have to bust sufficient ass on the treadmill and eat nothing I want for days on end.  P90 is great in theory, but it not the kind of cardio that I need on a daily basis.  Back to the treadmill I go.  Do what works.  And yes… include lifting. 

Sleeping and stress---

Lack of sleep increases Leptin and Ghrelin which are two hormones linked with appetite and eating behavior.  When you don’t sleep, your body decreases production of Leptin , the “full” hormone, and increases Ghrelin, the “hunger” trigger.  Not to mention, No sleep just makes you feel like sh*t.  Along the same line, stress also influences your weight loss because of the hormone Cortisol.  Aptly named the “stress hormone”, Cortisol levels spike when the body is in an elevated emotional state.  The biggest thing to know about the negative effects of prolonged stress levels is increase abdominal fat. So stop stressing about that guy who flipped you off in traffic and "WOO--SAH-ing"

Be sexy and Window shop---

Sounds dumb huh?  When it comes down to it, I feel much better when I am wearing form-fitting clothes and sexy shoes.  But taking it even further, I feel like making more healthy choices when I give myself facials, paint my nails, do my hair, wear some sexy lingerie pj’s (even when I’m by myself), put on some perfume and lie down to relax in my bed.  When I maintain “sexy” all the time, I make better choices.  And its quite hard to be fly all the time, but even underneath your baggy chill clothes, sexy underwear is good too.  I also do a lot of online window shopping.  Looking at things I want makes me watch what I do on a day to day basis.  So maintain the sexy as much as you can, and look for things to treat yourself with. 

So those are just a few of my RULE TO LIVE BY when it comes to weight loss and trying to get to my goals.  It’s not just about weight loss, but about being healthier all around. 

WHAT ARE SOME OF YOUR RULES TO LIVE BY WHEN IT COMES TO A HEALTHY LIFESTYLE?

My New Hobby

My little at home gym that means so much to me

It's been exactly a year since I started this weight loss thing up.  I know this for sure because on Valentines day last year I received the Tiffany Necklace from Robert and I was wearing it the weekend at a Quinceanera while eating my heart out.  I was also going through a major fall out with some "friends" and trying to move to another country.  Can you say stressed.  But through all of that I realized that I just wasn't where I wanted to be.  So I developed some new habits and over time I even found some new friends!

Running shoes, weights, jump rope, yoga mat, treadmill, and the bicycle are just a few of my newly developed relationships.  Working out has become such a monumental part of my life that my body and mind feel crappy when I skip too many.  I never thought I would be the person to say that I look forward to working out everyday, but it definitely is something that I can't live without, especially running.  For the longest, I hated running.  I felt like it was pointless (still kinda do, not going to lie) to just run for the hell of it and I didnt really understand how it was supposed to yield such great results.  After a month of consistent running I find myself getting faster, better, and stronger (cue Kanye West in the mother effer!!!!)

I love the sound of my feet hitting the treadmill, and when it gets warmer, I am going to hit some trails.  I love the way my body looks when I look at my reflection in the glass window (and I always look! haha).  My legs look strong as hell and my overall profile keeps getting smaller and smaller.  I am confident when I am on the treadmill whereas before I felt like I was flailing all over the damn place.  I really am kicking ass and I am SO PROUD OF MYSELF!  The biggest loser challenge started as a motivational way for me to get to my goal weight because that was my focus, but now, my goals are so varied.  I want to run faster, I want to be able to get through more squats before I feel the burn.  I want to kick out more and more sit ups everyday.  I want some sick muscles in my arms (Michelle Obama status out here).  Most importantly, I want to keep up this healthy lifestyle way beyond February.  I don't feel deprived, I don't feel tired, I don't feel like I'm on a "diet" because I still have what I want.  I am loving me right now.  And whenever I am feeling down on myself, or lose the motivation, because lets face it, life happens, I will come back to this and remember how I have been feeling for the past two weeks. 

And it makes me feel so good when my honey notices it and comments on how I good I look.  He has been by my side motivating me and supporting me through all of this.  I can honestly say that when it comes to being my partner through everything good and bad, he definitely took my weight struggle to heart and helped me get to where I am right now.  Even when I get down on myself and start the "I'm fat" conversation lol he cheers me up.  I hope he knows how much that all means to me.  It def feels good when other people notice as well.  Like last night one of my oldest friends (and my middle school crush lol) told me that not only am I going to be bad as hell when I get to my goal, but I'm already bad right now.  Heeeeeeeeeeeey lol.  Shout out to Corey.   And definitely Brian, who makes me feel like one of the hottest women on the planet on a daily basis!!  I am surrounded by such wonderful people.  Shaina is on it!  I feel it and everyone sees it, and it feels so good.  74 lbs down and 26 to go!!!

February Biggest Loser Korea Edition

If you know me at all, you know that I am quite obsessed with eating healthy, exercise and ultimately being in the best shape I can possibly be in.  It should come as no surprise that during the month that I am on vacation, I am only concentrating on just those things.  I developed a whole plan of consistent cardio exercises along with both legs, arms, and abs exercises.  I have drastically cut down my caloric intake.  Point:  I'm kicking ass and not even stopping to take names!  To hell with names.  I have a one track mind right now and its on the number 1.  that number one means several things and I love it!  READY...SET...THIN.

So the goals are:
Drop 13 lbs in February
Work out 6 days a week
Keep focus on WORK!!
KICK ASS!

So here it is and at the end of the month I will return with my kick ass progress!!

Shoe number1

Shoe number2

Special treat for my success:  My baby is buying me these shoes... I cant decide which ones are the best. God I love that he supports my needs.  He said I've been a good girl... OOO dirty dirty!  I've been good, but I'm def gonna be a BAD girl in these shoes! 

Please vote on the best shoes!!!  I need help!