Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Dear 2011

Dear 2011,

We haven't met yet, but I can assure you that when we do, it will be memorable for both of us.  I am very well acquainted with with your little brother, 2010, so I just wanted to formally introduce myself, tell you some things about my past, and let you know what I expect from our relationship.  Now that I am leaving your brother for you, I think we need to get some things clear. 

Firstly, your brother and I had a lot of good times, some of the best of my life in fact.  With your brother,
  • I lost 60 pounds 
  • I became a nicer person 
  • I cut off all my permed hair 
  • I moved to another country
  • I fell in complete love with a woman named Shaina
  • I learned to listen to the voice (sometimes voices) in my head
  • I learned to put myself first and do what I want above all else
  • I learned when to shut the hell up
  • I've hiked a mountain
  • I've gone scuba diving
  • I let love speak louder than logic
  • I've grown as a woman and as a girlfriend 
  • And as was evident in 2009, 2008, ect as well... I was the shit...
As you can see, your brother will be hard to top, but I have lots of faith in your potential and I believe that you will show your brother up in many ways.  Your brother was quite the catch for me.  I wonder if you are as well endowed as he is lol. I am a girl who tends to get what I want from the likes of you, and since 2010 was soooo good, you had better be great.  Here are some things I am expecting from you

  • A loss of 40 more pounds (60 really, but I wont put to much on you at once)
  • Seeing at LEAST 4 more countries
  • Wear my own big ass curly hair
  • Size 10 baby!!!
  • I want to hate fatty foods (hahahaha yea right)
  • I want us to meet the parents
  • I want to spend more time happy than sad (and I will be keeping count)
  • I want ALL FLY EVERYTHING-- Def need to up my game... Time for more shoes, bag, and clothes!!!
As you can see, here are just a few of my requirements.  They are more like nonnegotiables.  Give them to me and maybe I will be as good to you as I was to your brother and all of those before you.  Now that we have all of that clear, I can firmly go into this relationship  with faith.  I look forward to becoming very intimate with you  and I can't wait for everything that will unfold.  See you soon.

With love,


Sunday, December 26, 2010

Christmas in cheongju

In my entire life, I have only spent 2 Christmases away from one; my first year in phoenix, and this present Christmas.  I can honestly say that it was a beautiful one.  This has been a rough month for me in general.  Lets of thoughts about lots of things and being away from home have made this a very uncomfortable time for me, but this week made everything wonderful.  Rob and I spent our first Christmas together exactly how I imagined a perfect Christmas would be.  Love, laughs, food, drinks, presents, smiles, drama, and lots of kisses.  My Korean family came over for a huge (and fattening) dinner in the conference room of Global Ville and we had a wonderful time.  ANDDDDDD I got a Nook from the love of my life.  What a great weekend I had.  Now I sit in bed playing with my new toys and hugging my Yoshi that rob got me as a stocking stuffer. SEE OUR CHRISTMAS HERE!

I've made a lot of changes in 2010 and its time to make even more in 2011.  I thank God that I am still growing into a better and more humble woman everyday and that I have such a wonderful man that continues to help me grow.  I think its important to take a minute to sincerely be thankful for the good AND bad things that you have in your life.  Not for the sake of others, or because a holiday told you to, but to really appreciate all the little things.  A kiss on the forehead, a whispered I love you, a teenage brother telling you you are the best sister in the world (and you know teens hate everything), a kissed hand, a heartfelt letter, knowing your family loves you, and the happiness that comes from the thoughts of your future with the one you love.  Merry Christmas!

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Korean Mastication

"Fucked"-- that's the word that comes to mind when I think of my health since arriving in Korea.  While the word itself might be less than literary, the emotions behind them are valid.  Back in the states, I very rarely found myself to be "under the weather".  There were of course the bi-yearly allergies that were extremely taxing when they occurred, but I could regulate when they were coming and how long they would last.  I pride myself on being stronger- and lets face it, better- than everyone else when it comes agility, flexibility, intelligence, and health.  Not like "I'm better than you" but more like "anything you can do I can do better", and yes, the difference is crystal.  With this knowledge, one can easily understand why it is difficult to admit defeat.

This is the fourth time I've been sick in 6 months.  I can't dispel this feeling of, for lack of a better word, "fail".  Hence, the title of this blog; Korean Mastication.  Many foreigners get sick when they come to Korea and this has been coined "The Korea Effect" and I am falling victim to it big time.  I  feel as if my new country has been chewing me up, regurgitating, then chewing again while holding the repeat button.  I've yet to be spit out.  Taking that out of its metaphorical context, I have yet to recuperate from the continuous health ass kicking that I have been receiving in SoKo.  At this point, I am at a loss.  Its like I have to pick between being healthy and losing weight.  This weather and these conditions are killing me.  In the situation I find myself, it is really important to eat hearty foods that will keep my healthy and full.  Things like soups, potatoes, meat, vegetables, and oats.  This would be ok if not for two big problems;

1. Carbs are bad for ME specifically.  I know some people do fine with carbs, but for me, they stick to my body like--- I was going to say white on rice, but I think FAT ON FAT PEOPLE is more
2.  Lunch at school is always lacking.  Every day.  I never get enough vegetables in Korea and the meat is always shit.  I hate the food here not necessarily for the taste, but because it lacks the kind of nutrients I need to sustain my healthy diet.  I have no idea what to do.

So basically, I am sitting here in bed taking a sick day because of this damned vomiting and coughing situation.  I feel like crap because people had to take over my duties at work, and to top it all off, I ingested oatmeal and cereal today.  Carbs and more carbs.  And now I'm starving and I have no idea what to eat.  If I take the high road I could eat a slim fast bar, but will that help me get better right now?  Be healthy or get skinny.  What do I do?

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Jimjilbang- My first Korean Bath House

 So, as I said in my earlier post, I went to check out the jimjilbang in Dreamplus today and boy o boy was it an experience.  I was NAKED-- just like I like to be-wait, let me back up and start from the beginning.

I arrive at the bath house not really knowing what I'm in for.  I know that there is going to be nakedness and that is pretty much as far as it goes.  When I get there I go to the buffet in the building so that I wouldnt workout out on an empty stomach and how proud was I that I went and had salad and soup.  (and for 15,00 won that was an awesome buffet!) After the buffet I meandered my way down to the fitness center, where once again, my sole means of communication were body language and grunts.  I walk in and I immediately find myself surrounded by naked Korean bodies, both old and young.  The desk lady looks at me and smiles as she realizes that she does not have an outfit that will fit this luscious body .Sheit  hands me this shirt and it is tight as hell but I a  go with it.  I figure I will check out the gym before I go and get this much needed massage.  "Checking out the gym" turned into Shaina getting her ass kicked by a Korean Trainer.   Not just any trainer either.  The guy with his damn face on the wall--the HKIC, if you will  (for those of you reading who are not black lol the original statement is HNIC- head ni**a in charge, but the acronym was changed to be more applicable!).  And when I say he kicked my ass... I mean he took his foot off, and swung it at my ass like a baseball bat, and sadly he was just getting started.  We did abs, cardio, and a serious interval circuit, and when I stopped to BREATHE he would yell 화이팅 (Hwaiting)- which is korean for FIGHTING!!! Aka- DONT BE A P***Y!  I was like damn give me a minute.  After my 10 minute speed walk on an incline (which he called cool down) I said my "good byes "and my "see you next weeks" and they watched the Great Black Hope walk down the stairs.

Me and the bullshit towel
Once I got downstairs, I went to my locked and prepared myself to get ass naked in front of all these other women.  I was in a sea of saggy nipples/asses and pubic hair lmao!! (that actually made me chuckle).  I went to get a towel from the front desk lady and --what the hell, they were the size of a pillow case.  Now what the hell am I going to with THAT.  Hence...this face-------->

Once I got the courage to actually walk away from the locker I was hiding behind, I walked into the Sauna/bath house and I can honestly say it exceeded my expectations.  I was actually taken aback and stopped at the door just too look around.  (too bad I couldn't take pictures)  There were showers, scrubbing areas, and several huge tubs.  I guess I forgot that it was actually a bathing house.  I cleaned up and went straight for that hot tub.  (NOTE: Make sure you clean yourself throughly before you enter the tub...I almost made a biiiiiiiig booboo).  It was just what I needed.  The only thing missing was my music, which I will surely have next time.  I sat there and relaxed the night away.  

Little ass outfit

I still wanted a shot at my massage but look at the tiny ass outfit that I had to squeeze into.  But- I did it, only to find that the massage person was gone for the day.  However, my spirits were high and now I feel good.  I have great faith in my sleep tonight.  Bath House-- my new favorite place.

Next day edit---sleep was good!