Thursday, March 31, 2011

Fear of Failing or Fear of Success?

I’m sitting at the computer attempting to contact the editor of “____” magazine about publishing one of my articles.  I already have her contact information and all I have to do is pay the $5.99 to join the website that will get me in contact with her and a number of other editors.  I’ve been looking into it for about 3 days now, asking myself, “what’s the big deal Shaina, you spend more than $5.99 on- EVERYTHING”.  I keep refreshing the page; going back and forth, looking at some of my really good work and wondering which one is good enough.  Then it hit me.  I am scared shitless.  I am scared to put my heart into something and fail.  As I’ve said before, I get really tired and bored with things so quickly, but never have I tired of writing.  Along with reading, it’s the one constant things in my life that I have always had a profound interest in, but then the questions start.

“What if I’m not good enough”?

Sometimes my grammar sucks.  “What if they think I’m horrible”? There are so many writers that are better than me. My desire brings me back to the website but the questions I have take me back to bullshitting on Facebook.  I have never tried hard at something and failed, nor have I ever attempted to be publicly recognized for my passion (on a grand level).  Writing has always been my little secret- the real stuff anyway.  I’ve kept it under lock and key, hidden in the special folders on my computer so no one would stumble across my little "hobby".  I’ve been "writing books" since I was 8.  But what makes me good enough?  “Why would anyone care about your story shaina” I ask myself all the time.  “What do you know that no one else does”?  

But I believe that it’s not that I think I know something you don’t know, I think I just have a very real way of addressing situations that can sometimes be considered taboo in everyday discussion.  I think my allure is that I say what you are thinking in the exact way that you want to say it but are afraid to.  But what if I fail?   What if I pay this $5.99 and come up with every excuse in the book as to why I shouldn’t do this, or how I should try to spend my time trying to find a job instead of sitting around and writing?  What if I put my all into it and fail and fail again?  I don’t generally fail, and when I have, I changed that failure into success in one way or another.  But this is my thing, my passion, my Shaina thing that I’ve been telling myself that I’m good at for the last 17 years, so what if I find out I’m not?  What if I never get 10,000 hits a day, never beyond this blog, and remain in the same situation I am in now?    

The more I type, the more I realize that this is unacceptable.  This is not diva-esque Shaina.  Fuck what if.  I live in South – Muthaeffin - Korea.  I have a Bachelors AND a Masters Degree.  I’ve worked 2 and 3 jobs at a time and paid my way through college…TWICE.  So what if they think I suck.  So what if my grammar sucks and I need Ciara to tell me where to put colons and hyphens, I'll read some books and be the best damn grammarian on the planet.  So what if someone is better than me, someone will always be better at something.  So what if I am not as good as I think, that will just drive me to do better.  I don’t just takes me longer to get to success sometimes, but I get success nonetheless.  So instead of asking what if I fail, I am going to start concentrating on something else.  What if I succeed??? - and that scares me just as much.  $5.99 huh?? Where is my debt card?

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.' We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we're liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
--Marianne Williamson

Wednesday, March 30, 2011


The VAGGIE talk is coming to Seoul this weekend... I'm gonna be there.  Are you!!!?? You should... Come out and talk about Vagina.  The best thing in the world IS VAGINA!!!  I plan on stepping out in some O so sexy attire...I mean... its just what I do!
WHO: The Vagina Monologues 2011 in Itaewon
WHAT: a fundraising show for The House of Sharing
WHEN: April 2 at 8pm (with The Total @ssholes performing afterwards)
AND April 3 at 2pm
WHERE: Roofers in Itaewon
COST: 10,000 won

SATURDAY-APRIL 2 AT 8pm (performance by the Total @ssholes after)

Come out Itaewon station exit #3 and walk straight. You will see Dunkin' Donuts on your right. After Dunkin' Donuts turn right up the hill. Walk about 60 meters and ROOFERS is on your right on the 3rd floor.

V-Day is a global movement to end violence against women and girls that raises funds and awareness through benefit productions of Playwright/Founder Eve Ensler’s award winning play The Vagina Monologues. The Vagina Monologues is a show that was created after interviewing hundreds of women around the world about many different topics.

My apartment in Cheongju

I just realized that I dont have a video of my apartment here in South Korea.  Here we go.  For anyone thinking of moving here, Check it out...

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Water Jesus-- The Diet Savior

De l'eau...

No matter which language it's spoken in or where in the world you are, Water is the best thing you can put in your body, but for some reason it can be hard as hell to get in what you need.  The average person does NOT know how much water they need in their bodies on a daily basis.

The body is made up of between 55%- 75% water and is in need of constant replenishing.  If I could have my way, I would just sit under the faucet with my mouth open because I know all the benefits of drinking water constantly through out my day. 

There are so many benefits when it comes to drinking the right amount of water because it:
  • Transports nutrients and oxygen into cells
  • Moisturizes the air in lungs
  • Helps with metabolism (and mine SUCKS)
  • Protect our vital organs
  • Helps our organs to absorb nutrients better
  • Regulates body temperature
  • Detoxifies
  • Protect and moisturizes our joints
  • Helps us lose weight (DING DING DING) 
  • Scale not looking so good???  That's because when you drink too little water you actually RETAIN water.  Yep that's right!  If you are retaining water you will gain weight and the only way to get rid of it is to double up on your intake!!!
 I try to drink at least 3 liters of water a day and a gallon on a good day.  If you are trying to lose weight, forget about the conventional 8 glasses of water a day.  You should be drinking HALF YOUR BODY WEIGHT IN OUNCES.  Prepare yourself, I am about to drop some math on you!  So if you weight 200 lbs you should drink 100 oz of water, and a liter is 33 fl oz, which means you need at least 3 liters to break even, and 8-8 oz glasses of water is only 64 oz...NOT OK !  That "8 glasses" is the BARE MINIMUM you should drink on a day to day basis if, and only if, you are a PANSY ASS. 

Now with that said, I know that it can be hard to sit around and sip on water if you are extremely busy during the day, but there are ways to remember.  When I first began the weightloss journey I used several tricks to remind myself to drink water all day long.  Here are a few--

  • I wear bracelets on one hand and every time I finish a bottle of water I move 1 bracelet to the other arm.  At the end of the day I have to have them all on the other hand!
  • Drink a whole bottle or two before you leave in the morning
  • Drink a bottle everytime you go to the bathroom (water sound will remind you)
  • Use a pop-up reminder on your computer.
  • Send yourself an e-mail reminder.
  • Set a phone alarm
  • Drink during every commercial break
  • Fill up your 2 liter bottle and finish it before lunch then make it through another liter or 2 by the end of the night.
These are just a few of the ways I trained myself to drink water.  At this point, it has become second nature and I don't have any problems remembering.  You want a sexy body????  DRINK YOUR DAMN WATER!!!  It is THE best thing for your diet and weight loss.  It the Jesus of Health!
Even the fishies can't get enough!

Monday, March 28, 2011

Friend making monday

Stole this awesome post from adiosfatgirl and chenaged it for myself!!! 

If you've taken part in FMM then you know the rules. If you're new, please take a moment to answer this week's question on your own blog then add a link at the bottom of this post so we can all see your post. The idea is to connect with other awesome bloggers so take a moment to post your own FMM post and comment on a couple of other posts. Be sure to head back to Kenz's blog - All The Weigh and check out the rest!

 FMM: A Few More Gender-Friendly Questions

1) What is your favorite physical feature? My smile

2) List three adjectives that describe you. Hilarious, Inquisitive, Weird

3) How old were you when you had your first kiss? Hmmmm with or without tongue... lets go with tongue... that would make me 11

4) Do you believe in God?Yes.  Wholeheartedly.  I may not believe everything in the bible, or go to church every sunday, but I have a very close relationship with God and I pray all the time.

5) How often do you watch the news? Well I teach in South Korea so not that often.  I read it on my yahoo thing every morning.  Mostly I am very concerned about Libya right now :(

If you participate, please put your link in a comment!  I'd love to see everyone else's answers!


I just got off of the treadmill and I feel like a G6 hahahaha! I did intervals today and they really kicked my ass because I also did legs before hand.  DEATH!

This weeks goals are
  • run for 5+ minutes straight
  • 30 miles in total this week
  • 200 situps a day
  • pack up my room for move
  • no cheats (except Friday)
  • find somewhere to put some yoga
I think I have a fair chance at accomplishing these things.  I am super treadmill woman.  But I def need to pick it up a notch.  Since I've joined the Daily Mile I've realized that some people out here are doing like 15 miles a day.  Kill me  !!!!! I'm worthless compared to them!  So I def gotta kick it up !!!!  Catch me if you can!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Today--Monday (Done)-
10 minute trainer (legs)
100 sit ups
100 calf raises
Intervals on treadmill 2.8 km (30min)

Bike 6.7 (20 min)

bike 30 minutes am
long distance run/walk 60 min
100 situps am
100 situps pm
10 minute trainer Arms

Friday, March 25, 2011

A New Low and a Cheat

A New Low--
Today when I got on the scale I was elated to see that I had reached a new low!!!  Today's weight was 94.9 kg which is 208 lbs.  From 284 to 208 is 76 pounds down.  HELL EFFIN YEA!!!  I have done 20 miles this week and plan to do more once my hair is done!!!  So happy to have joined "The daily mile" as well.  It helps me see what other people do, and since I always want to kick people's asses and be better than them, its a great motivation.  Join here.  It kicks ass.  I am officially out of the teens and into the single digits.  YAY ME!!!  8 more pounds to go before I hit the first goal.  I can taste it!!!  Then 15 after that!  So excited!  I can't wait to amp it up next week!  A new low indeed

I planned my cheat in advance this week.  No random binge cheat.  After I finished my workout, I found that I didnt want to cheat anymore.  However, I think it is imperative to get it out of your system at least once a week.  I went to Pearl Jam to get my favorite philly cheese steak and fries but they were closed.  FAIL.  So then I went to BUZZ and had a Quesadilla and fries instead.  I can honestly say that I was about 67% satisfied.  I was glad that I got it out of my system and also glad that I realized that it tasted much better in my thoughts than it did in my mouth.  Makes me see that I'm not missing much.  I'm glad I was able to schedule a cheat rather than just have an accidental binge.  Even my favorite food lost some of its flare... and that is saying A LOT! Perhaps I am becoming disenchanted with my favorite food... I HOPE SO! Good night everyone!!

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Getting sick in Korea

This is so real... all I can say is watch and understand.  If you plan to teach in Korea, know that this is REAL!!!  Not just a joke!  Enjoy!


Wednesday, March 23, 2011

My Job at Cheongju English Center-- City Center

My class this week is pretty cool.  They are kind of loud and Rowdy but they are pretty awesome.  I took a video and some lovely pictures of them.

This week I teach city center and it just so happened that I had my camera on the day my homeroom class came in.  They were quite the crazy bunch.

In the city center I have students listen to my "About me" power point and then they get a chance to draw their own city center on the board (pictures below).  When they finish, I go over each picture and pretende to judge them, then I give everyone reward point stamps.  After that we go through the City center power point (city center is downtown) covering everything you may see downtown; stores, shops, restaurants, clothing stores, ect.  Then we have a role play where students get a chance to be bank tellers, travel agents, postal workers and customers.  Super easy job. 

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Weight loss rules to live by

If you had to choose between diet and exercise, diet would have far more influence on your weight than exercise, but for a truly healthy diet you should incorporate both.  With that said, this is my biggest issue, or was.  Once I got a grip on healthier eating, I realized that there were other things that I needed to tackle, and over time, I found out a number of RULES TO LIVE BY:

Some people (and I used to belong to this group) believe that if you work out regularly, you can eat whatever you want… NOT SO MUCH.  If you want to lose weight it is very important to ELIMINATE sugar from your diet.  Sugars relate to carbs.  I know how people are all like “Oooo carbs are not the enemy and you should eat them”  Blah blah bullshit.  Carbs break down into sugar and will contribute to insulin resistance, which is one of the major reasons people are unable to lose weight.  Most people don’t lose weight if they consume large amounts of carbs like rise, pasta, and potatoes.  This may sound like no fun, but this is the way I lost a lot of weight.  I gets redundant and I always wanted to cheat, but the results were uncanny.  I loaded up on chicken, fish, and veggies and I was never lacking energy.  This may not work for everyone, but its one of the things I live by.

As women, it is imperative that have the proper nutrients on a daily basis.  It sucks big time that men barely have to do anything to uphold their bodies, but as soon as we start getting older sh*t starts dangling, getting hairy, and sagging.  NOT OK!  So to avoid this as much as possible, I take vitamins.  Daily, I take B12 and B6 (for metabolism and brain function), multivitamin, Biotin, and Omega 3’s. 

Working out---
Don’t believe the hype of fad’s.  I have tried like a gazillion things in the past; recent past to be exact.  If you read my last blog I talked about how I was going to go with P90x.  While it sounded great and definitely worked me, it was not the kind of exercise my body needs at this time.  Our bodies change so much as time progresses and through different stages of our weight loss journeys, and we have to accommodate for that change.  Once upon a time I could get away with just 30 minutes of cardio, and cutting down a few calories.  Nowadays, I have to go hard in the paint.  I have to bust sufficient ass on the treadmill and eat nothing I want for days on end.  P90 is great in theory, but it not the kind of cardio that I need on a daily basis.  Back to the treadmill I go.  Do what works.  And yes… include lifting. 

Sleeping and stress---
Lack of sleep increases Leptin and Ghrelin which are two hormones linked with appetite and eating behavior.  When you don’t sleep, your body decreases production of Leptin , the “full” hormone, and increases Ghrelin, the “hunger” trigger.  Not to mention, No sleep just makes you feel like sh*t.  Along the same line, stress also influences your weight loss because of the hormone Cortisol.  Aptly named the “stress hormone”, Cortisol levels spike when the body is in an elevated emotional state.  The biggest thing to know about the negative effects of prolonged stress levels is increase abdominal fat. So stop stressing about that guy who flipped you off in traffic and "WOO--SAH-ing"

Be sexy and Window shop---
Sounds dumb huh?  When it comes down to it, I feel much better when I am wearing form-fitting clothes and sexy shoes.  But taking it even further, I feel like making more healthy choices when I give myself facials, paint my nails, do my hair, wear some sexy lingerie pj’s (even when I’m by myself), put on some perfume and lie down to relax in my bed.  When I maintain “sexy” all the time, I make better choices.  And its quite hard to be fly all the time, but even underneath your baggy chill clothes, sexy underwear is good too.  I also do a lot of online window shopping.  Looking at things I want makes me watch what I do on a day to day basis.  So maintain the sexy as much as you can, and look for things to treat yourself with. 

So those are just a few of my RULE TO LIVE BY when it comes to weight loss and trying to get to my goals.  It’s not just about weight loss, but about being healthier all around. 


Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Friends can make you fat

How many times have you tried to start losing weight and one friend or another begins to sabotage you?  What do I mean by sab-o-tay-gee(likes bugs bunny used to say it) you ask?  The conversation usually goes like this:

"Hey we're all going out tonight are you coming" (out being to the bar on a not me)
"Nah I'm going to go home and cook after I work out"
"OMG are you serious...come on, have some fun"

Or some bullshit variation of the same conversation.  Ultimately, trying to talk you into doing something that is MORE fun than the workout you have to do, and MORE delicious than the healthy choice meal that is going in your microwave.  As if I don't already want to be doing ANYTHING else other than working out. In a moment of weakness, this kind of peer pressure can really derail you from your goals, and lead to the dreaded "guilt trip" that comes from "cheating" on your diet. And doesn't it suck that they are usually skinny as hell??  Feels like they like this:

And secretly they do lol!

Since Ive been in Korea, I have been derailed in this way too many times.  Not to place all of the blame on others, because I enjoyed the nights out along with the food and drinks that accompanied them, but I have had to learn to say "NO".  This may sound easy, but when your friends are going out for what will most likely be an epic evening (as they usually are in Korea), the last thing you want to do is say no, but in the weak stages it is imperative to do so. 

If you're like me, this isn't a diet, it's a complete lifestyle change.  There is no END.  Sure, there are plenty of goals, but I will probably battle with my weight until I die.  I'm sure it will get easier as time goes by, but as it stands right now, it is still a constant struggle that very few of my friends actually understand.  Most of my friends are men, and most of the rest are naturally skinny people, leaving the few who are over weight, and even fewer still who are actually doing something about it.  And then there is me: the woman who continually obsesses with my healthy routine.

Thankfully, I have a great support system online with some of my friends who I check in with and who check in with me.  Not to mention that Rob is always motivating me, holding me accountable, and lifting me up when I hit depression/guilt mode, yet never making me feel that who I am right now isn't good enough.  However, sometimes I wish I had a BF here in Korea who understood and was as dedicated as I am.  And a BF who was only MINE because I don't like to share BF's lol.  But until then, here are some strategies that I came up with to help with my motivation:

  1. Learn to say "NO"--- your friends will still be there if you tell them "No, not tonight" and reschedule for a day when you don't have a workout planned, or for a healthier choice.  SANS the damn bar!  And besides, its ultimately YOU who will be unhappy at the end of the night.
  2. Watch for accidental haters--- While I am not a fan of the word "haters", they are very real, and sometimes not on purpose.   People, especially woman, sometimes have some jealousy issues which can show themselves when you start doing better than them.  They may not like to see how shitty their own health is, or even more likely, they don't want you to look better than them.  Petty...maybe, but definitely holds some truth.  While I am dropping, most of my friends are adding the pounds on like fat is in style.  Like Rob says, "They all eating and we STARVING OUT HERE...WE HUNGRY!"
  3. Be honest--- Tell them straight up... I can't get down with this beer and pizza shit every weekend... lets try something different. Some place with more greenery than what comes on the burger. 
  4. Eat before you leave home--- Because its not fun to always stay home!  Eat a small meal before you go out and then you can just grab an appetizer!  Better safe than sorry!
 No one likes to miss out on all the fun, but remember that people with fat habits can derail you set you back.  And hopefully all of your friends don't have bad intentions and just want to hang out with you, but beware of the FAT MENTALITY!!!

Saturday, March 12, 2011

EXERCISE-- This week 3/14-3/20

YEA!!!!! This is going to be a great week.  I have my eyes set on being super fit.  I have laspses now and then where I find myself hating the idea of getting up and doing anything.  They usually last for about a week, and this one is finally over!!  Back on the grind and trying to look like this body builder!!

No I'm kidding.  More like this chick...
Can I have yo numba?? 
I know what you're thinking- "Why is Shaina uploading this soft-core porn on her blog" hahaha but really and truly, this is the kind of end result body I'm looking for!  Thats a bad ass body she has going on there... massive definition in the legs, sculpted arms, and a nice flat stomach.  Sexy.  The closer I get to my mini goals, the more realistic this end result is.  Can you see my head on this body???  I can!  This outline is more for myself and anyone else, but feel free to take what you will

So this weeks plan:

Monday--Friday Meals with little to no variation
Slim fast bar
10 almonds
Slim fast bar with banana
10 almonds
Salmon (orange, lemon butter, cream)and veggies

Possible additions- special k cereal with low fat milk, eggs and sausage, bananas, ect.

Monday workout- AM-10 minute trainer yoga in PM- p90x chest and back and ab ripper X
Tuesday- AM-10 minute yoga and 20 minute intervals PM p90x plyometrics
Wednesday AM- yoga PM- p90x shoulders and arms and ab ripper x
Thursday- AM- interval run PM- p90x Yoga X
Friday- Am- deep stretch yoga PM- p90x legs and back and ab ripper X
Saturday- KENPO X- p90x

Need to know how to get p90X (for the low low lol)...ask me, I will get you the info!

What are you doing this week!?  Any suggestions?

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Random things to know about teaching in Korea-- PORK

Disgusted??  You should be.
I know it’s been a minute since I've talked about Korea, so I am going to try to include about 8 or 9 more blogs about the essentials before I leave the country and forget.  And one of the most important things for a healthy Diva such as me to know before venturing into the land of Kimchi, is that PORK is number 1.

Being that my parents are somewhat Rastafarian, I didn’t eat pork for about 15 years (with the occasional sneaky bacon when I went out to breakfast) but once I got to college it was a little harder to keep up that lifestyle.  However, contrary to most, my swine intake was still very small and ultimately limited to bacon and the sometimes very lean cuts they would put on the salads at food services (gotta miss Berea College).  Once I graduated from college and cooked all of my own food, I hardly ever had it at all.  Needless to say, things changed rather rapidly once I came to Korea. 

Pork is cheap and easily accessible here so it finds itself on my plate more often than any other food around.  Determined to not be “Diva-esque” when I got here, I tried my damndest to keep my mouth shut about the continuous ingestion of the bullshit swine other white meat, but that was short lived.  Every time the bosses took us out (and it’s rude to say no in Korea) pork was on the menu.  Everywhere I tried to grab something quick, a nasty pork snout was staring me in the face.  *INSERT EXTREMELY DISGUSTED DIVA FACE HERE WITH THE CAPTION “WHAT THE F*CK IS WRONG WITH THIS COUNTY*.
So I started protesting any dinner that included pork and letting my disgust be well known.  Nicely, yet firmly, putting my stiletto down and refusing to partake.  Pre-Madonna much?  I thought so too.  So when this last dinner came around, the Diva in me acquiesced to the higher ups and went out for pork galbi.  BIG MISTAKE.

Enter FOOD POISONING stage right.  I am way to fly to be stuck on, and/or bent over the toilet.  Not my style.  And on top of that, I was sick for the next week and had to go to the hospital again and have a HORRIBLE thing done!!!!  The Diva was and is STILL kicking my butt for not sticking to my principles.

·         I will NOT be eating anything that comes from smelly disgusting pigs (except bacon when I get to England… Hypocritical?  SO WHAT!) I am putting pork right up there with mayonnaise, cottage cheese, and celery.
·         I will NOT go against my better judgment and do something that I don’t want to do to appear nice and easy going—I am nice, but I like what I like and I want what I want.  I don’t think that’s a bad thing.
At the end of the day, I like Korea overall, but I def miss the food of yesteryear.  

(FYI----Pig's bodies contain many toxins, worms and latent diseases. Although some of these infestations are harbored in other animals, modern veterinarians say that pigs are far more predisposed to these illnesses than other animals. This could be because pigs like to scavenge and will eat any kind of food, including dead insects, worms, rotting carcasses, excreta (including their own), garbage, and other pigs.) KILL ALL THE PIGGIES!!!

What foods do you hate and refuse to eat??

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Feed Your...

Here are a list of Books Im reading to Feed my whatever... Enjoy!

Business Sense:

I spent a whole year looking at this book and walking past it during my frequent trips to Barnes and Noble, after being on the NY times best sellers list for 2 years and with so many success stories I can not continue to ignore it.  Might help me acheive my fame that I so deserve lol. 

I started reading the Sowrd of Truth novels when I was in highschool and I never finished.  Not only was I excited to find the series again, but now there are 12 books!!! I am going to be sooooooo sleepless until I finish all of these 800+ page books seeing as how my Nook has been attached to me sinceI started reading them.  Starting back on book 2.  Click here for a brief synopsis.


Everyone likes to feed that.  I try to do a new recipe each week and I find that the recipes in this book are delicious, easy and healthy like the title suggests.  Very happy with it so far.

"What?  You didn't know that"

I don't know about you, but I love to have disucssions about things other than who did what with who on "The Game". And I love even more when I can say "I KNOW SOMETHING YOU DONT KNOW" ehhehehe.  I am all about expanding my knowledge on practically everything and I find this book particularly interesting.  Its all about some of the most noteworthy crimes up to his death.  Dumas is more well known for "The count of Monte Cristo" and "The Three Musketeers" . Awesome book to discuss! Free download here!!

This book is chock full of tips about how to be healthy while still enjoying food.  As you all know, western culture has grown quite disgusting when it comes to portion sizes and the way we abuse food.  I find that this book is very specific in the "What not to do" category.  Love it so far. 

Sooooooooooooo, if you were looking for new reading material, maybe you can try some of  these.  I will be updating this when I finish them all as I am knee deep in them right now!!!

What books are you reading right now??