I was going through some of my old emails and getting rid of spam, and I found the link to my old blog on Xanga. I was curious to see what I was thinking about back in 2009 and the first blog I read was signed “A work in progress". That is an understatement for what I was at the end of 2009. I was like "a work screwed up".
They say that sometimes you have to hit rock bottom before you can start to crawl your way to the top and at that time, my leg had actually pushed through the bottom of the rock. I was bitchy, fat, angry, hated my job, and just miserable over all. I had just had a major relationship changing fight with Robert (thought it was relationship ruining but it actually worked out for the better in the long run), I was about to pay $1,300 for the TEFL course so I could move to Korea, I had a whole bunch of friends who did not have my best interest at heart, and I was basically angry all the time because anger is easier than any other emotion.
It was at the end of this year that I decided to change everything I didn’t like about myself. This was no easy task as it also entailed getting rid of friends, and honestly confronting the things that I disliked about myself. I was lazy, overweight, full of complaints, jealous, bitchy, rude, and even though I had high self esteem and never doubted my beauty, I hated the way I looked.
Step 1- Admit you have a problem.
I started writing more and really thinking about my life. I realized that most of my new “friends” knew absolutely nothing about me and therefore could not understand my moving to another country. Their words of warning were more like them expressing the sheer stupidity of my decision. Not ok. I am sure their intentions were good, but at the end of the day their method of delivery SUCKED.
Step 2- Cut the baggage; people included.
It was like an everything must go sale. Friends, clothing, weight, attitude, job, and doubts about my relationship; all had to be removed before I could progress into Shaina 2.0. I Cleared my life of all the clutter that was keeping me from the desires of my heart and guess what happened… I OBTAINED ALL THE DESIRES OF MY HEART! A new country, a better body and a better relationship. I mean, look at the difference in the 2 pictures on the left compared to the 2 on the right. Shame on me for walking around looking like the subway blimp. I can judge myself but you can’t.
|2 on the left are 2009 and early 2010|
2 on the right are late 2011
Step 3- Get rid of the excuses and get what you want.
Once I acknowledge the problem and removed the things standing in my way, the only thing left was to make it happen. By “it” I mean everything I wanted. No more workout excuses. No more flipping on my boyfriend when my feelings are hurt instead of just talking to him. No more obsessive eating out. No more jealousy. No more DRAMA (cue Mary J Blige song immediately).
Step 4- Appreciate EVERYTHING.
And now, I am the happiest I have ever been with only more happiness on the horizon. I am in better shape than I have been since high school and wearing a size I haven’t worn since 10th grade and having lost 75 lbs. I can’t remember the last time my boyfriend and I yelled at each other. I regulate my stress issues. I watch what I eat at all times. I exercise at LEAST 5 times a week. I love myself. I smile every day. I’ve been in another country for 10 months and I am moving to yet another with the love of my life in another 2. I have no idea where I will be in 5 years or even 3, and for the first time in my life, I have no desire to.
So, I guess you could say that the work in progress has definitely progressed. I'm glad I stumbled across that old blog. Sometimes I forget how far I've come because I'm so concentrated on the end result. Gotta remember to enjoy the process.
Enjoy the ride Shaina, enjoy the ride.