Last night I went out for drinks and food with the coworkers and the bosses and it was fabulous and full of fun discussions (and all that implies), however, throughout the entire dinner I am thinking to myself "Shaina stop eating meat" and "Shaina don't drink anymore" and "You KNOW how many calories are in Soju don't you". And even though I was having a good time, those thoughts were nagging the back of my mind the entire evening.
Yesterday when I woke up, I was my smallest weight yet and when I looked in the mirror, I thought I could clearly see the flatness of my tummy, the muscles in my legs, and the definition in my shoulders. I felt good. Started my day with my slimfast bar and all was well with the world. But after last night, I basically slept crippled with fear of what the scale would hold for me.
And wouldnt you know it, the damn thing went up...wait for it... .7 of a kg. Small though it may seem, it did not bode well with Shay. I wanted to chop off my arm. And the mirror wasnt my friend. Instead of the thinning and defined girl of yesterday, I was the ridiculously puffy girl of yester-year. Now if thats not some psychological bullshit then I dont know what is! I came home and exercised for 1.5 hours and had what...you guessed it... slim fast bar for dinner.
And as I avoided looking in the mirror at all costs, I realized that at the end of the day, I have to remember all the work I do, and all the sacrifices I make for my life style change. I shouldn't avoid the mirror, or shy away from a fun night out, I should celebrate myself and my accomplishments. I get so preoccupied with my end goal that I forget that I have already made such a difference.
All we ever really wanna do is feel good when we step in front of that magical demon and let him tell us that we are indeed "The fairest one of all" (at least in the room). We want to feel that we are the most gorgeous in all the land (at least in the bar or club lol)! And we step into those stilettos and those skin tight jeans, we want to know that all eyes will be on us. And ultimately, I'm pretty sure my mirror has a crush on me and doesn't mind when I visit my old friend; food. So I'll try to stop being so...obsessive. Yea I think thats a good word.