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If you are here to follow my rantings about life in general you don't need to worry.

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My relationship with food

I was watching the movie "Limitless" today and there was a scene where the guy had just purchased a huge bacon egg and cheese bagel before he walks in and sees his friend shot in the chest.  He immediately drops all the bags in his hands and my first thougt was :

He should DEFINITELY pick up that bagel and get to eating!!!

Sick right?  Right now I am exactly .5 lbs of the way to my first major weight loss goal ! Can you believe it?  After all this time!  Finally about to hit the goal...but all I can think about is food.  I go on Pinterest and look up all the foods I cant wait to eat when I get off this diet. I think about the kind of foods that I want to cook, throwing dinner parties, and eating out whenever I want.  Is this pathetic?  I don't think so.

Eating is a wonderful thing!!  I have noticed that the things I crave have changed drastically.  I no longer just want the burger and fries, or the big ass bag of potato chips, but I have started to crave more healthy yet savory foods.

Im craving things like baked Zucchini and eggplant Lasagne.  Like chicken teriyaki and BLT's with slow roasted tomatoes.  YUM!

So I am glad to say that while I am still completely in love with food, and I want to eat it all the time lol, I also notice that my eating habits and desires have changed for the better.  YAY FOR PROGRESS!!!

(I still want that damn bagel though)


WHAT DO YOU CRAVE?

Maybe It's Me...

Being new to England, I try to get out as much as I can and being that I don't know anything about the area and I suck at driving, I tend to have to go out with other people.  I am usually such a people person- I can generally get along with anyone.  But on these last few outings I have completely hated the people I went out with, but then I wonder ..."is it me".  

Last weekend I went out with a bunch of children.  They were between 20 and 23 but when you are in the military with no responsibilities, that really subtracts about 2 or 3 years from your maturity age.  Which makes it even worse because while I don't know a specific "maturity age" for myself, I ALWAYS handle my business and I plan everything to the last detail.  Even with the information that the birthday girl herself was only turning 21 I had faith that the alcohol would put the ages a little closer together- How wrong I was.  These people got drunk off their asses, disappeared, we couldn't find the hotel, my boyfriends friend Brian (birthday girls boyfriend and Robs co-worker) ended up ditching as all because the chick thought he was flirting with us and started slapping him around right before she threw up in the limo.  

Can we say RUINED WEEKEND??  Then we had to find our way back to Cambridge.  None of these assholes could even find a ride for us and once we got back to the base, no one was volunteering to take me home "take a taxi"- FUCK YOU ALL.  So I had to call someone...the chick who has only been here for a month was able to get someone to pick us up but they couldn't, how about that shit.  Throughout this whole ordeal I had to play the mommy role, come up with suggestions, make decisions, and get shit done, as always.  By the end of the weekend everyone had gotten a thorough Shaina curse out to take home with them.  

 

Fast forward to yesterday.  Robs other friend, Freddy, invited me to go out with him and his friend to the mall for some shopping and some Movie watching.  Now I actually  like this dude; he is reliable and seriously full of energy...SERIOUSLY, so I was excited to go out with them.  The day finally arrives and I meet the friend.  she comes in the house and I say my usually happy-go-lucky  "HELLO" and she says nothing- First sign that I wasn't going to like her.  When you walk into a house and you are meeting someone for the first time you should acknowledge them personally when they say hello.  Then 3 minutes later Freddy actually remembers to introduce us and she gives a weak "Hi", so I just nod.  At this point I was still going to try to give her a second chance.  I told myself that I was being too judgemental and I should chill out.  We get in the car and I immediately take the front seat, I wasn't going to but hey, fuck her- establish dominance.  I try to have a conversation or two with her but all she can talk about is her 7 year sex hiatus (she should have killed herself) her stalker ex husband, and how he wont give her custody of her daughter.  

Now I am NOT a monster and that is a sucky situation, but EVERYONE is dealing with shit.  I wasn't going out so I could listen to someone complain and sit there and stare at pictures on their phone all damn day.  Again, I'm not evil, but I also have very little contact with the outside world from my little house in the country and when I do meet people and go out, I want to have FUN.  I want to talk shit about people, laugh, and look fly (I did look fly though).  

I miss my girls.  I haven't had true ride or die girl friends since phoenix (a few in Korea but not really long enough to get to the ride or die point) and since I can't bring my Skype to the bar, maybe I should give up.  Back the the original point, maybe it's me.  I was actually wondering this for a minute.  Am I just too judgemental and hard on the people that I've been meeting?  The answer is HELL NO.  The weekend from hell with all the drunk young people, yea the deserve to be hated.  The chick who did absolutely nothing but complain the whole day and the only time she smiled is when she was laughing at something that she didn't tell us about, yea she deserves to be disliked as well.  So no, it's not me, it's all these other people who SUCK ASS.  

I just want some normal girl friends who are like minded.  Some women who went to college and have aspirations and goals, want to travel, want to keep their bodies healthy and happy, and can sit over a glass of wine and have intelligent conversation that doesn't include or revolve around man bashing.  There has either been drama or complaining on both weekends and I am not up for it.  I need to be uplifted and not have my emotions dragged down because I feel sorry for someone.  

Anyway, I have run my mouth enough.  Sadly, I don't see this changing any time soon so I better just get used to it.  I can just stick it out in the house until Rob comes back and then we can go off and meet new people together.  But at the end of the day, I miss home.  

AVADA KADAVRA~ Saying Goodbye

This week marks the end of something that I hold near and dear to my heart.  The end of the love affair I've had with the boy beneath the stairs.  The end of my not so silent obsession with finding a way to NOT be a muggle anymore. The end of the sensation I feel knowing that a new one is coming out.  Yes, ladies and gentleman, this week marks the end of Harry Potter.

Let me first start with a small ode to why I love Harry Potter in the first place 

*Que Harry Potter Music NOW*

When I first heard the rave about this book I was immediately intrigued.  I, who loved the Wizard of Oz and basically anything to do with magic, stole the book from my cousin (who we were living with at the time because we were so broke) and read until she came in and snatched it away from me.  Later that day, I begged my parents to buy me the book so I could have it for my very own.  I know what you're thinking, "why didn't you go to the library" well I do not like my books to have a crease in the Spine.  DONT JUDGE ME.  So I was content to wait until we had enough money to spare on my little obsession.  The wait didn't last long and soon I was sitting at the table pounding through Harry Potter and the Sorcerers Stone in 3 hours.

Enter Crackheadish Obsession--

JK Rowling had definitely found a new cult follower at that point.  I was entranced.  I don't just love it because of the story, but the literary beauty of it as well.  Even back then at the tender age of 14 I had a real respect for the craft of writing.  Not only was the story brilliant and the characters so easy to connect with, Rowling had created an entire world within a world.  The magical world had Classism (mudblood), a different colloquial language, a hierarchy or power, and so many other things that made one actually believe that there really was a Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.  This was easy because most of the followers really wanted it to exist anyway.  I also love that people actually die in the books.  I know that might sound ridiculous, but in real life people die.  It hurts and it sucks but the reality of the series was something else that kept me coming back.

I was able to lose myself in the books at a time when things were not going so well in my real like.  We had just moved to Charlotte and out of my cousins house, money was tight, and stress levels were high.  I guess you could say the books helped me get away from what was happening in my real life.  My parents, who always supported my book or movie obsessions, knew how much I loved it.  For Christmas that year, even though money was tight, I got Harry Potter 2 AND 3!  And yes, I cried.  No matter what, my parents always sacrificed to try to make sure I got the things I wanted, and I guess it helped that it didn't take much to make me happy.  A couple of books and some pretty pens and I am golden.

And that feeling never went away.  With every new book or new movie, I get that intense emotional rush.  Not just a rush of excitement, but also the knowledge of what it stood for all this time.  It was an escape; a place that I could lose myself.  I am the kind of person who feels what characters feel in movies and books.  I get completely invested.  I cry when they are sad, and my heart flutters when they are happy, and I can vividly see the world as they do (which is why I like books better).  It was something I could look forward to.

So this weekend will be the last time I feel that way.  The last book hurt, but at least I still had the rest of the movies.  This is the last movie.  The last time I will stay up all night and get inline for the 12am showing.  The last time I think about what costumes to wear to the movie.  Its Bittersweet but I am excited about letting go.  Its been a wonderful 12 years and I can say that I am ready to say goodbye.  Thank you JK Rowling for giving me friends in a new world, excitement, heartache, and keeping me young.  After all, who even thought I would see the last movie in ENGLAND!  What a great life I lead!

And yes... I'm crying right now...

Weed French Fries

Who knew?  Who the hell knew?  I KNEW...  I've been saying it.

"French Fries are like crack, man"-Shaina circa 1922

But who knew I picked the wrong illegal yet addictive substance to pin my obsession on?  A recent study found that snacks like potato chips and french fries have a marijuana like called Endocannabinoids.   Commence snickering with references to all the terms for weed - cannibus, endo, ect.

I bet you're wondering where the hell I found this picture! ha!

Sounds funny  huh?  Maybe, but to us rehabilitated Carbo addicts it makes a lot of sense.

"My name is Shaina, and I'm a Carbo-holic"~~~HI SHAINA~

"In their study, the Piomelli team discovered that when rats tasted something fatty, cells in their upper gut started producing endocannabinoids. Sugars and proteins, the researchers noted, did not have this effect.

The process starts on the tongue, where fats in food generate a signal that travels first to the brain and then through a nerve bundle called the vagus to the intestines. There, the signal stimulates the production of endocannabinoids, which initiates a surge in cell signaling that prompts the wanton intake of fatty foods, Piomelli said, probably by initiating the release of digestive chemicals linked to hunger and satiety that compel us to eat more."

Well would you look at that shit. I mean that's quite compelling as far as dietary information is concerned.  Granted, we all know that those snacky food suck, but I love to find out the science behind why a Spade is a Spade- especially when I am trying to throw my cards in (if you didn't get that metaphor...)!  The study also mentions that the need to consume fat comes from a primal part of our bodies (as animals) because its needed for proper cell functioning.  In the wild, these fat are not readily accessible, yet for us, it's as easy as picking up the phone.  THIS is what actually leads to obesity. (See original article here)

So not only do these foods taste delicious, are filing, and completely bad for you (those nasty Carbs I mean) they are also laced with crack (crack is my go to drug when I am talking junk, yes, I do know this blog is about mary jane).  Just like Krispy Kreme.  They are out to get me!  #FML

What is your "go to" carb of choice?

Driving Miss Shaisy

As I muted the tv to listen to the 4th car drive past, I thought to myself "Shaina, he isnt coming back".  He wasn't pulling into the drive way and he hadn't run to the store- he's gone for 2 months and there is nothing you can do about it.  So I got my mind together and set off to take a little trip into town.  

This was my first attempt at driving alone, not to mention that I have only driven to this store once before.  Needless to say I was nervous and continued to pace the floor for at least 20 minutes before I even put my pants on, but I knew I had to get out and attempt the drive before I stayed here and missed him all day.  So I found my pants, put my oatmeal bowl in the wash and popped on the wig before I headed out the door.  

I was amazed to find that I was surprisingly calm and relaxed as I walked towards the car.  I sat down, found the GPS, adjusted the seat to short person status, picked from the sparse collection of cd's (because my mp3 player doesn't work with the Itrip and all Rob had was hard core stuff so I choose the little wayne- lesser of evils if you can imagine), and started off on my way.  I drove out of my neighborhood and I admit, I started feeling a little exhilarated.  

Don't worry, I was still in the driveway 

Here I am, Shay Shay La Shay, driving around in the car that my man left me; leaving from the house we live in together; and shopping for things to make it our own.  I mean, I am still sad in every way because he is gone, but I had to focus on the big picture, and the big picture is this- My life is good.  I have the love of my life, a nice house, a nice car and while things might not be EXACTLY how I want them, they are wonderful.

 "So stop being a cry baby Shaina"

So, what shall I do with my 59 more days?  

Only Bad Witches Are Ugly

Hello Bloggie boos. Missed me?  I know I have been AWOL on blog content but shit has been real in 31 main street Hockwold.  But, good stuff first~~~

ANNIVERSARY~
We had the BEST anniversary 3 day weekend.  Let's start with Friday.  After I practiced driving (getting better by the way) we picked up some Vodka and Baileys and had some luscious White Russians in the Conservatory.  We hung out at home and stayed up all night listening to and talking about music.  Saturday we got up early and made some sexy breakfast; Eggs, hashbrowns, bacon and toast.  Yum yum!  There is a video of that somewhere I am sure... Anyway, then we went on base and went skating!  AHHH I havent been on skates in years!  At least 5, it was so much fun.  I am sure I would have had even more fun if I was dressed appropriately but hey, I loved it.  Not to mention, ya boy got some moves on those skates... Heeeeeeeeyyyy boooooo.  Later we bought a grill and had lunch.  I had this wonderful Chicken Kabob with fries and ...drum roll... HUMUS!  My new first love.  We came home, watched some "RJ BERGER" and got dressed for a night out but revisited the idea of going over to meet the neighbors.  So nervously, we walked over to the neighbors house and introduced ourselves.  They were sooooooo nice.  I wasnt expecting them to invite us in, feed us wine and rolled ciggys and just kick back with us, but I was glad they did.  Feels good to know I live beside some awesome people.  Anyway, we left there late as hell- maybe 10:30 and then went on a mission to find the seediest and most trifling looking club... and yes we succeeded! HOWEVER!!! On the way there we got pulled over for nothing, but just a warning thankfully.  We hung out there for some hours before stopping by the base for some more alchy and wouldn't you know.... PULLED OVER AGAIN! Lord it was a night of firsts.  And you wont believe it, but on the way home we saw a huge Dalmatian running full speed towards the car.  I mean full gallop in the middle of the road!  We thought we were going to come home to a house on fire, but all was well.  We proceeded to get drunk and profess our love to each other over and over again... On video (and no you can't see it lol).  I just realized that we crossed something else off the list- Make a video!  And boy was it a good one.

Sunday we BBQ-ed and did nothing else.  Sunday we ate.  That was it.  Food!  Burgers, shrimp kabobs, brats, banana bread, chicken.  Jesus it was a lot of food, and we smashed it and fell asleep at like 9 pm!  Awesome huh?  Monday was great though!!!  I got to go and see WICKED!!!! BWAH!!!  It was freaking fantastic!  Something else I can cross off our list of things to do.  We had to rush through dinner but we made it with time to spare and a very teary eyed Shaina got to see the show she has been waiting to see for about 5 years!  It was a great night!

Our grill

Big Ben

So on to the not so awesome stuff.  
Rob is leaving for 2 months to go to Greece.  It sucks big time.  I just got here.  Not coming back until September 1 which means fuck my birthday.  Fuck my life and fuck his job for being so rude.  Yes, I AM a little pissy about it.  So pissy, in fact, that I have refused to even write/talk about it because I dont want to hear anyone's sad fucking pity party.  I am pitiful enough, trust me.  But tomorrow is the day.  Im pretty sure I have been a bitch for most of the week simply because I am sad about the whole thing.  And more things keep coming up to make me even more pissy.  Por ejemplo, we were supposed to stay up all night tonight before he leaves for his flight, but they tell him yesterday that his flight is at 6:50 in the damn am!  The air port is 2 hours away.  You have to be there 2 hours early for international.  That ends our all nighter at about 2 am.  FUCK YOU ITINERARY!

So thats the reason I've been awol and will probably continue to be for a while (unless it have a total opposite effect and I just start writing all the time!).  All is well.  I have come to terms with it.  It sucks, but just like all the other bullshit we go through, there is nothing we can do about it so I have to just get over it, and at the end, we will come back even stronger.  Like a mothereffin PHOENIXLOVE! .  So 2 months of finding random shit to do... here I come.  I know one thing, in 2 months this house will be decked OUT!  He is leaving me the money, the car, and executive rights over this love chalet's decorations.  I can't wait to dig it!  I love him- especially through the hard times.

Dinners, Desserts, and Housegirlfriendery --Whats up with Shay

Hi boo's!  Its time for a new edition of "Whats up with Shay".  This has been my first full week in the country and so far I am loving it.  Here's what Ive been up to.

Cooking and overall Housegirlfriendery--
Ahhh the joys of the Kitchen.  I have really been having a great time coming up with healthy recipes and delectable treats for myself and the Honeypie.  I mean really loving it.  So far my days have been filled with cooking, exercise, Practicando Espanol, a movie or 2, reading, cleaning, and soon it will be filled with writing and trying to sell my work to magazines.  Now is the time to finally start doing all the things I used to say I didn't have time for; especially writing.  And yes, I'm lame.  I like getting up in the morning and making breakfast and lunch for the honey.  Thinking about what to make for dinner.  Not to mention, I now have a menu board!  AHHHHHHH lookey lookey!

Now YOUS GUYS can call me cheesy all you want but I love it (In my Italian accent)  That is the menu for tonight's dinner.  See the glory here lol.

In the oven right now yum

And if the honeypie remember the ice cream I will make another batch of those glorious Pizzookies:

Hell I might make them even without the Ice Cream.

Fitness---
It seems like the fitness goddess is having a momentary (lets just say what it really is; 2 - 3 weeks) lapse in fitness judgement and enjoying cooking and eating!!!

Don't worry your little head though - Soon I will be back to my food conscious over exercising self.
I mean, I was in a country where I could hardly EVER get what I want!  The options just weren't there.  But now, I can have whatever my heart desires and its been desiring quite a lot.  ESPECIALLY HUMUS.

Which brings me to our next topic.

This weekend--
I had such a great time this past weekend.  On Friday night we went into town and dined at the ZEN NOODLE BAR.  It was very nice.  Not quite upscale but definitely posh (like my UK lingo).  There, we had a kind of fusion Chinese dinner.  And we looked great!

THEMS SOME SEXY FOLKS

Ahhh I know...Sexy much!  Saturday we went to Cambridge and ventured to see "Bad Teacher".  It was hilarious.  We had dinner at a spot called Nandos where I started with... you guessed it... HUMUS!!!  We also played a heavy game of table hockey and it was ROUGH!  I pretty much kicked ass but Rob managed to talk his way into being the winner.  THAT'S MY STORY AND I'M STICKING TO IT!  My blog, my truths lol.  Sunday we went for a lovely drive and ended up doing a little shopping and having lunch before coming home and talking to Ashley for 127 hours and having some nice drinks.  My first weekend= Awesome.


So there it is... more specifics to come---

And dinner was awesome.

What's up with Shay

Welcome to my new Monday Ramblings!  Every "Day of the Mon" I am going to write a blog about what is going on with me in health, life, and cooking!  Soooo let's pretend that today is Monday shall we.  

Working out - While I did eat myself stupid  during my last week in Korea, I also tried to keep working out but here I dont have the luxury of having the bike and the treadmill in the next room. Lucky for me, The Honeypie bought me a Kettle bell and a yoga mat.  OMG...  Where has the Kettle bell been all my life.  Effed my muscles in the A.   Here is the workout I did today and plan on doing Thursday as well.  

Wide grip pushups 3/10
kettlebell swings (20 lb) 3/25
Squat press with kettle 3/12
One arm one leg DB row 3/10 each arm
lunges 3/10 each leg
100 reg crunches
heel touch obique crunches 3/10
v sit ups 3/10
throw downs with scissor kick 3/10
AND.....15 minutes of Hip Hop Abs

It whipped my booty.  My whole body is literally on fire but it was O so good.  Tomorrow I will probably do  Insanity or Taebo.  I also have some new recipes that I am going to try this week for healthyness, will post results later.  I figure since I will be home I can really go to town on these workouts and recipes. Speaking of staying at home...

Staying at home- Its only been a couple of days but I am really enjoying being at home and taking care of the house and The Honeypie.  I know it might seem ridiculous that EYE, Ms. Working since 15, could actually love the idea of domestication but tis so.  I've cleaned, done laundry, washed dishes, cooked, workout out, decorated, ect. and I love it. Me and The Honeypie are enjoying our new lives together very much.  Just call me Susie Homemaker and call him Ricky Ricardo... LUUUUUCYYYYY IM HOOOOME

After our first major shopping trip

I love this house- OMG its so cozy and already feels like its full of love and warmth.  The process of getting a home together is not an easy one.  Lots of time, Ideas, Money, and Work have to go into it, but this place just  felt like home so quickly.  I love it here, and I love the way England looks in general.  I definitely don't like the spiders though!  So whats up with shay...

Happiness...

The Honeypie Blushing at me taking pictures of us setting up! 

Kitchen table with the Korean place mats

The front of the house.  So pretty

My favorite thing... the view from the bedroom, so serene

"'Ello Poppet"-- ENGLAND!

'Ello Harry Potter!!!! (Don't judge my British accent- or lack thereof)  After a year of experiences -both good and bad- that I will never forget, it was finally time to head out of the country that had been my home for a year.  I was overwhelmed with emotion as that last week rolled around.  I spent it having a wonderful time with my friends and the people who I'd come to think of as family.  We went out every day that week for food and fun as the time wound down.  The best night was Thursday when we had Fry Pan, drinks at buzz, and dancing at the club before getting 4 hours of sleep and going to work feeling a little woozy!  Yes I will miss Korea, and even more so, the friends I made while I was there.  

BUT NOW I AM IN THE LAND OF THE QUEEN!!!  Let's talk about my trip.

After Chicken and pizza- the customary "goodbye meal" for teachers at CJEC- I said a heartfelt and teary eyed goodbye to my CJEC family and walked away while my boss probably mentally clicked her heels (INSERT MIDDLE FINGER HERE).

 I went back to globalville and packed the rest of my stuff, checked out and waited for the taxi for taking the bus to Incheon Airport.  After the 3 hour bus trip, I arrive at the Queen Hotel and proceed to order my last Korean Dominoes pizza lol.  I washed my hair and made my last phone calls before trying to stifle my excitement long enough to sleep.  Finally, ZZZZZ ..... RING RING 6am wake up call.  Between 6 and 7 I repack, clean the room, chat with rob so we can share our excitement, and run downstairs at 6:58 to get on the 7 am shuttle to the airport.

Enter Issue Number 1- Luggage size
As you know, I had one big a** suitcase and a carry on which carried everything I own.  Unimaginable right?  Well I did it.  When I put my luggage on the scale it said 28.3 kg and the limit is 20 with a 5 kg grace.  #FAIL.  So there, right in the middle of the airport, I have to open my suitcase and take out a EVEN MORE of my stuff.  My quite expensive body oil, my black soap, my shea butter, my jeans and worst of all, a great deal of my makeup.  #Tears #EFFYOUCHINAEASTERN.  But finally my suitcases were ready to go.  Issue one- SOLVED

So I board plane number one with a happy smile hoping that everything else goes as planned.  NOPE

Enter Issue Number 2 (and by far the worst)- China Sucks
So I arrive in China and make way way through immigration and yet ANOTHER security check (really stupid if you ask me) before having JUST enough time to get on the the next plane.  I board and think all is well.  Little did I know that the BS had just begun.  Come to find out, air traffic control has prohibited flights because of the weather.  We sat on that plane in the same damn spot for not 2, 3 or even 4 hours... BUT 5 DAMN HOURS and I had no way of reaching Rob to tell him.  I tried to talk to the flight attendants about getting in touch with him in some way since I had no cell phone.  They just brushed me off.  The didnt give a damn about my black ass.

Thinks--- *So these people think Ima have my man waiting at the air port for 5 hours huh... ok ... i see what I gotta do*

 I was the picture of irritation and everyone was going to know.  I proceed to hit the call button about 6 or 7 times to try to get these people to understand the detriment of which they were about to bring upon themselves.  Each time they came, and each time they gave me some bullshit response- none of which kept my man from waiting 5 hours at the airport.  Enter ANGRY BLACK WOMAN.

"So you people think you just gon ignore what the hell Im saying?  You wont let me off this damn plane.  You wont let me get in contact with my boyfriend.  You just aint got no damn solutions huh?  Whats your damn Purpose?  Fuck China.  Fuck this airplane. and Fuck---"

Before I could tell them to each fuck their very own selves, a phone was produced for my usage.  Damn right.  I called Robert and all was well...except that I still have a 13 hours flight after 5 hours sitting on a plane.  #Killme.

DING "Ladies and Gentlemen welcome to England.  Local time 10:40 pm"  Finally.  Only one more thing to do before I can exhale and kiss the love of my life.

Enter Issue Number 3- Immigration
I had a one way ticket to England and was worried that they would send my happy ass right back where I came from.  That they would somehow know my true plan and in the Santa Voice from A CHRISTMAS STORY yell "HO HO HO" and shove me away.  I walked to the counter with my heart pounding and when he ask the purpose of my visit I merely said "To visit my boyfriend" and I kept the detailed story for if he had follow up questions.  But he didnt.  *STAMP STAMP*.  I was was through!  YAY!!!

Picked up my bags, and walked out and 10 minutes later I was in my honeys arms and on my way to my new casa.  ME LIKEY...Actually me LOVEY!  I'm finally here and relaxing and all is well with the world.  I guess I can finally....


*Exhales*

Pictures coming soon!

Mind Over Food

I don't know what I'm doing right now, but whatever it is, its working!  Two weeks ago I wrote an entry in my journal about my optimal focus- Self Control.  The plan was to focus only on what was in front of me at the moment.  Forget about the scale (but get on it everyday).  Forget about the Slow Carb Diet (but try not to have any carbs and sugar anyway).  Forget about obsessing.

Self Control.

So I stuck to the water drinking, lots of beans, breakfast, and exercise.  I went out everyday this week and hung out with friends and when I felt those o so familiar urges I would just mentally repeat "self control" and pop an image of something I wanted in my mind.  A few of my thin-spirations.

Shoes- shoe game is the most important

Eva- she is always fly

Dresses- love the skin tight dress look

And of course the 2 piece

So after popping those images in my head in some kind of weird "be skinny" montage I have actually been able to control everything I put into my mouth.  Who knew?  It also helps with the guilt.  When I make conscious decisions to eat whatever it is, I don't feel guilty after.  "I am going to eat two of these oreos and thats it".  I eat them and feel like a million bucks.  So I truly think its the mantra that has continued the decrease in poundage.  

However, it could also be the fact that I'm leaving in like 12 days and I wanna be uber fly.  Maybe a combination of both.  But I figured out some things as well. 

Last night I went to girls night at Caelyns house and we had Shrimp fried rice, fried chicken, lasagna, wine, and I baked Pizzookies (recipe to come later) with ice cream.  Lord it was great.  When I weighed myself this morning there was only a small increase.  NICEEEEEEEE.  So here is what I figured out.

• I can't get drunk- alcohol, me, and the scale do not get along at all.  So no more drunken nights.  Leaving Korea will make that much easier for me as well.
• I can't do the obsessive calories- So most of the no carb no sugar diets have a massive increase in calories from other places-especially protein.  While I can up the amount of protein in my diet, I can't eat the recommended amount because it just sits in my tummy.  No thanks.  To each her own.  
• Cheat days in moderation- Definitely don't think I need a cheat day every week and even when I do it will only be small cheats.  No outlandish eating or cheating at every meal. At least not until I can eat like a real human (goal weight)
• You are not as hungry as you think- People survive off little to nothing in some places and most of us westerners just over kill.  Gotta base my food intake on my activities for the day.

"SELF CONTROL " "REMEMBER" "WHAT THE HELL"-- things I say to myself.  Give it a shot.

Pinterest.com and 32 truths!

I ran across this picture on www.pinterest.com (my new favorite thing in the world)- Random interjection about pinterest- its a place where you can save all kind of awesome stuff like recipes, clothes, sayings, dresses, ect.  I mean anything you can think of.  I am not doing justice, so you have to just check it out!  Its awesomeness.  Check out my pinterest boards here.  AND... its invite only. Only for awesome people!  hahahaha! If you are interested I will send you an invite!  Trust me you want to.

Anyway, I saw this and I HAD to share the awesomeness with you.

Tell me, which one is your favorite??  For me its #11, #16, # 22, and 29.

Engagement rings

I just read a post about Kim Kardashian's new engagement ring and wanted to vomit chunks.  Its 20.5 carats and it cost 2 million dollars.  ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!  Some girls might swoon at the idea of such a thing, but I am not impressed.

Love is not determined by the size of the rock on your finger.  You don't multiply the size of the rock to find out how long you will be married.  And when shit gets rough...that rock will not hold you together.

Errrrrrrrrrrrrrr----

Hit the breaks real quick though.  Now I am NOT saying that I don't want some pretty little tidbit on my finger.  Every girl has walked past the 2 or 3 carat and fallen in love at first "Try- on -even-though-you-know-you-not-buying-it".  I mean, that princess cut solitaire is always calling my name.  I would be lying if I said it didn't.  But at the same time, I would happily accept a ring pop, or an empty box with an IOU inside.  Why?  Because when the mood to ask me for my gorgeous hand strikes, I don't want the absence of a ring or the lack of money for what is deemed a "sufficient" ring, to postpone it.

If you know me, you know I like to be fly.  I like the flyest shoes, the hottest clothes, the most unique make-up and the prettiest jewelry.  EVERYONE knows this.  But in this case, I think a little differently.  When it comes to love, I prefer things straight from the heart- a letter, a home made card, an oven because I am obsessed with baking- those things matter.  At the end of the day, those are the things I will remember, not how much he spent on it.  The Tiffany necklace that I love an adore so much was almost completely outdone by the poem he wrote on the card.  I had to just remind myself of which holiday it was, but I remember the card word for word and it still makes me giggle like an infant.

I want a ring with a story.  Maybe it is surrounded by Jade because green is my favorite color.  Maybe it was in an antique store and it belonged to some old couple.  Maybe it was the only one he thought I would like.  Stories matter.  Love matters.  Carats don't.

I hate this obsession with the materialistic side of marriage.  People are always saying such negative things about marriage but maybe if they focused on the things that actually matter BEFORE they got married, the divorce rate wouldn't be so high.

Maybe I am just a hopeless romantic...

Scale Junkie

I check out a number of weight loss blogs, magazines, and journals so that I can stay abreast of new information and changes that are occurring in the world.  Not to mention that I like to get my motivation from different avenues.  One of the blogs I read posted something about "stepping off the scale".  She talked about how much a woman's body can fluctuate on a day to day basis and how mentally taxing it is to see the scale go up and down.  She also discussed the fact that for most people, the number on the scale is a direct reflection of self worth, how hard you've been working, and how close you are to your goals.  At the end of the post, her point was quite clear; stop weighting yourself everyday.

Hmmmm let's discuss this shall we?

Things I already know
I thoroughly agree that weighing yourself everyday can be a serious problem for your self esteem because of the consistent state of change occurring inside a womans body. I can attest to this first hand, and even as we speak I am trying to remind myself that these 6lbs I put on are due to TOM and not reflecting a truth.  I know that the scale is a hijo de puta.  I know that muscle weighs more than fat and you can be going hard and losing fat but the scale doesn't reflect that.

I also know, for me personally, getting on that scale everyday puts me in check.  I know that the number on that little machine can determine if its going to be the cream chicken or the salad.  I have reaped the benefits of weighing myself everyday and seeing the numbers go down consistently (big motivator).  Contrarily, I became super sized because I wasn't conscious of my weight everyday and how different foods affected my body.

My final thoughts on it
While not weighing everyday sounds good in theory, the problem is, I didn't get into this weight loss and fitness thing to be healthy and make better choices; those things were picked up along the way.

Its not about healthy, its about skinny...

Sad to say, this was and is STILL my philosophy about my personal journey.  Now I know that all the weight-loss gurus and ex-fattys will go on and on about how making healthy choices and changing your lifestyle should take precedent.  Yea Yea Yea.  Tell it to someone who doesn't know the truth.  EVERYONE who starts on these massive weight-loss journeys has one thought in mind; Looking damn good (with the exception of people who are in danger because of their health).

With that said, my working out everyday and eating right could go to hell for all I care.  Whats important to me is getting to the weight and size I want.  Period.  Two pieces, belly shirts, skin tight dresses!  Don't get me wrong, I love the fact that I am running and biking for hours and kicking some ass with my level of physical activity, but its all for the end result- BUILT-NESS-ITY (thats my goal, builtnessity).  SICK-BODIED-NESS.

I think this is why I am obsessed with the scale.  Trust me, I wish I wasn't.  I wish I was one of those people that were content with just KNOWING they were doing the right thing, but I'm not.  I like to see it.  I know the downfalls.  I know body fluctuations.  I know water retention.  I know PMS.  I know women's bodies suck.  Yea, I know all of that.  But I also know that I am weak when to comes to food, and MR. Sonofabitch scale keeps me from falling victim to gooey goodness or salty satisfaction.  I don't lie and try to pretend that I am not still mentally fat.  I will take a cheeseburger and fries over something relatively healthy any day!  I know staying away from that stuff is due self control and not the scale, but the two are somewhat intertwined in my world.

While everyone might not need to be a scale junkie, I do.  In a relationship you have to accept the ups and the downs.  For better or for worse right?

"Do you Shaina take this scale to be a huge part of your weight loss?  Do you accept the fact that some days he will bring you up, and some days he will bring you down?  Some days he will allow you to dip your hand in the chip bag, and some days he will tell you that only lettuce is allowed?  Sometimes he will lie.  Sometimes he will ruin your entire day.  But he is one of the best things that will happen to you.  Will you honor and obey?"


"I do"


So, What do you think?  I would love to hear opinions on this.  To weigh or not to weigh... That is my question???  

Tranquilo

Hoy fue un dia muy estresante.  No me gusta hoy.  Queria martar a todos.  Los ninos, mis amigos; todas.   Pero...yo tenia recordar...TRANQUILO.

As is usually the case, the days before my time of the month (hitherto referred to as TOM) find me being unable to fall asleep at night.  I have no idea why but it happens.  I lie in bed trying to fall asleep and nothing happens for hours.  Once I finally fall asleep, its about 4 am and the idea of waking up sounds murderous.  "iewuhfisdfnfnj"-- that might as well be what my Korean alarm sings at 7 am telling me that it is time for a workout.  I was livid.  I didn't even hit snooze, but dared the alarm to go off again- and it didn't (because I didnt have the snooze on lol but I like to think I am a bad ass).

At this point, the idea of a workout sounded like nails on a chalk board.  I could barely open my eyes.  I thought for sure that TOM would rear his head today but no such luck.  Waiting for that bastard is mentally worse than the physical pain I feel when he arrives.  The visual is important so that one can feel release from the madness that PMS (or PMDD in my case) brings.  Maybe tomorrow.

I made it through the day and managed not to step on anyones toes too much but I still had a foul attitude that I could do nothing about.  It definitely doesn't help that those 6lbs haven't disappeared yet either.  That has been on my mind.  So as promised, when I got home, I ventured to the gym with Ben.  Clothes on, shoes on, mp3 at the ready, only for me to get there and have them say that they don't do one month memberships.  Shaina is going to be in Korea for less than 30 days.  Finally, she would allow the one month for $80.  Get the F*** out of here lady.  So, a very disappointed and pissed off Shaina went home.

Now I sit here trying to fight tears- pointless tears might I add.  I am overwhelmed with thoughts like "my face is breaking out" "I wouldnt have gained weight if I had self control" "You must be weak if you let these TOM emotions get to you" "What do you mean you have no energy" and several more that are even worse.  I swear I wish I was a man.

Anyway.  Now I go and take a steaming hot shower, shave something (ANYTHING) so I feel sexy, get in a nice facial, pick out something decent to wear for tomorrow, and relax.  

Manana sera mejor......Anoche, es el tiempo de traquilmente. 

Stomach Bile and Potato Chips

Well hello my darlings!  I know I have been kind of AWOL but not to worry, that is all about to change.  My fingers have yearned for you.  And the title will make sense later.

Well, this past weekend was interesting to say the least and it resulted in me gaining 6 lbs!!  Impossible you say?  Well not so much with Mrs. Fatty McButterpants over here.

Friday was the going away party for Ciara, Christian, and I and it was at a Buffet.  A huge Buffet.  I wish I could say that's where most of the damage occurred, but unfortunately it was not.  While I definitely showed my ass in there, it was only the tippy top of the crack.  The real problems came later; with the alcohol.

In my quest to be more social and stop concentrating so much on losing weight, I decided to give a huge middle finger to all things healthy.  Not only did I act a fool at the buffet, but then I continued to define the word by getting butt booty drunk at Buzz.  It was NOT a game.  And about 30 minutes before I could get myself back to my apartment I was praying to the toilet Gods and coming face to liquid with stomach bile.  Real sexy Shay.

I love this Bob Marley shirt!

Ridiculous buffet-ness

Don't ask

Drunk

Drunker

Drunnker...

Drunkkkerrr

Phillip fits right in at Cheongju English Center

Epic Ted and I at Buzz

As you can imagine by looking at the pictures, Saturday was truck loads of fun (insert sarcastic face here).  I awoke to the memory of calling Rob and professing my undying love for him; Lord have mercy on my drunken soul.  And since I am hard core, I didn't even take it back when he brought it up! THUG LIFE!!  

Saturday was full of carbs as I went and had the most fabulous pasta bread bowl at Noriter which is in Shinnae. 

Hey you see that salad on the side???!! Heck yea

As if that wasn't enough, I then went to see Pirates 4 and had a wonderful bowl of popcorn and apple pies from Burger King.  Then I went home to try to sleep off some more of the hang over which didn't work.  Later, I went to Pearl Jam and had dinner and tried to wait for Jess's going away party to start, but I could not sit there for an hour.  The longer I sat there, the more sickly I felt after the monstrous philly cheese steak and fries.  FML.  So I went home and watched a movie and fell asleep at 11:30 :(

Sunday was a movie day for us Globalvillers, so after I had a nice huge bowl of sugary cereal I went and bought 3 different kinds of chips to mix with poporn for the movie marathon.  Thats right ...THREE.  And washed it all down with 4 slices of pizza.  

O

M

G

Needless to say, I am back on the right track but I now have to get off the counterproductive lbs.  But...its was a helluva weekend...

Waist Trimming Chili- High protein!

So for everyone who has (or will) join me in the Slow Carb (AKA "I hate life") diet,  here is a new recipe.  After the most recent breakdown about being tired of the same food and literally wanting to reach inside and yank my intestines out and jump rope with them, I decided I should try some other recipes.  Sean told me about how he likes to make chili so I began to ponder.  This recipe is low-carb diet approved and quick not to mention!  Without further adieu..


Waist Trimming Chili
What you need: (other than yours truly in your kitchen bwahaha):

• 2 cans of tomatoes with Chiles (don't drain)
• 2 cans kidney beans 
• Sausage
• Chicken
• 1 large onion
• 1 large green pepper
• Red Chile peppers to taste (I used a jar)
• 1 garlic clove

Pour cans of tomatoes into a pot and heat on medium.  Once they start to bubble, throw in both cans of kidney beans.  Simmer.


In a sauce pan, cook sausages.  I used old chicken so I didnt need to do anything other than throw it in the pan for reheating once the sausages were close to being done. Slice onion, green pepper, and garlic and toss in pan with sausages and chicken.  When veggies start to soften, empty everything into the pot with tomatoes and beans. 

While chile is simmering, crush some red peppers in.  Be careful because a little goes a long way, but I like my nose running when I finish eating.  If you do not have anything close to a Jamaican pallet then tread carefully. 

Thats it.  It was very good and I had that wonderful feeling of full but not stuffed.  One thing to remember though; DONT RUB YOUR EYE WHEN YOU ARE DONE EATING!!!  I am so dense sometimes.

Slow Carb diet week 2a

So I have been doing this slow carb diet for almost 3 weeks now with some pretty decent results.  However, I AM SO TIRED OF THIS BULL!  Man Veggies, Meat, Eggs, and Beans???  I don't know if I can do this.

So far about 3 pounds down in total. Right before I started I had gained back 2 but then lost a total of 5 since week 1.  I am now sitting at 207 (well I was until I had a major melt down today).  I would really like to get rid of at least 15 more lbs before I leave for England but I am not sure if I can maintain this diet.  I feel deprived and my mouth always tastes like yuck.  I cant have fruit and that is probably the most taxing to me.  I think I may continue the diet the way it is but add in fruit.  That might be the only way to hold it together.  As it stands right now, I am almost ready to quit.  If you know anything about me, you know I don't quit things, especially when it comes to weight loss. This country makes it very difficult to lose weight while trying to do a low carb diet.  No good salad places, no healthy restaurants, no good spices, no good NOTHING!  FUCK YOU WITH A POTATO STUFFED WITH RICE KOREA!

So I have 5 weeks to get rid of 10-15 lbs.  Hmmmm.  I am putting on my thinking cap and trying to figure out what to do to drop these last lbs.  A great body is made in the kitchen, so meal pans that I can handle are optimal.  I don't want more melt downs that end at "Fry Pan".  I would have been by myself crying over my chicken if Sean didn't text me that he wanted to join.  

I would like to avoid as many tear soaked chicken tenders as I can.  But if I see one more damn egg, or bean, or fucking piece of grilled chicken I am going to go on a mass killing spree starting with everyone in Dunkin Doughnuts!!!!! I just want a bowl of cereal!

White Ain't right (especially when its supposed to be black)

I always joke with my white friends that "white ain't right and black don't crack".  I am far from the "soul sista with the fist raised" when it comes to being a black woman and I try not to take to heart the blatant preference for lighter skin over darker skin, however, I can not let this slide.

Do you remember this adorable clip from sesame street about the little black girl that loved her hair in all different fashions?  Please watch!

It was cute and adorable, and black women everywhere were proud to be recognized in such a way and especially if they had daughters who could see it.  So of course, this wonderful pride had to be capitalized on.  This would not be a problem except for the fact that this is how FOREVER 21 chose to present her.

The original

Forever 21's shirt

WHAT THE HELL????  Do you notice a problem here?

The girl in the video that so many people identified with has been bleached to be more mainstream and TO LOOK MORE WHITE!  Its my damn blog and I do NOT have to be politically correct!  WTF is this shit?  High yellow girl with blue eye shadow is NOT how she was presented.  I would have been first in line to buy this shirt if it was actually a BLACK girl.  DARK SKIN!  CAN WE HAVE ANYTHING?  And look at the person modeling it!  Can you expect me to believe that SHE is rocking a frock of curly locks?  No ma'am.

If you know me, you know that race is not an issue for me.  Even as I have always been the token in my honors classes, deans lists, college classes, and professionally, I like black jokes, white jokes, gay jokes, straight jokes, (all except Christian jokes...leave my Jesus out of this) and anything else that you can dish out, but I hate feeling like I am not being represented in the world.  Fashion statements and boldness are two things I pride myself on and I would have loved to have this shirt to jazz up with heels and jewelry.  They ruined it for me.  Maybe I am over reacting and it isn't that serious but I am truly disappointed.

What do you think about this?  I would love to hear from all races about this.  Am I overreacting?